Meeting Our Babies

Walking with You - Meeting Our Babies

Meeting our babies was bittersweet. It wasn't supposed to happen so soon. I felt like I needed to push, and the pain was pretty intense. I had decided against and epidural because I wanted to feel as much as I could with their birth. It was going to be the very last time I would ever get to feel them inside of me, and I wanted to be aware of every single moment and know exactly what was going on.

It was 7:20ish in the morning on a Sunday, August 28, 2011, and the dr said if I was ready, Baby A was right there and I could push. I looked at my husband. I didn't want to. I wanted to keep them inside as long as I could. I could still feel Anthony Jr and Malia moving. This wasn't right! As I looked at my husband, he looked back, nodded, held me and through tears and determination I pushed. At 7:26AM Baby A was pronounced a boy! My first son! Nathan Richard was his name. I didn't get to see him, because instantly my water broke for Baby B, Malia. A few pushes later, Malia Elizabeth was born at 7:32AM. I still didn't get to meet her or Nathan just yet. The nurse took Malia and cut her cord. My husband couldn't look yet, he and I were just holding each other crying. Baby C, Anthony Thomas Jr's sac wouldn't break. The pressure was almost unbearable. It shot down my legs, into my feet. I was screaming, partially from physical pain, partially from emotional pain. My dr finally had to break his water because he was trying to come out, sac and all. My water burst, and when I say burst, it went all over my dr, across the room, I even felt it up my arms! He was under a LOT of pressure. Finally, at 7:46AM Anthony Thomas Jr was born. I quickly asked if they were alive. I had been informed that because they were so premature, they most likely wouldn't survive the birth process. My dr answered, yes, yes they were born alive! I cried harder! Their first entry into the world they didn't get to go right onto my chest! I begged for them. I remember crying how I didn't want them to die alone, I can't believe they would have to die alone! The dr quickly had the nurse place them on my chest and listen to their hearts. They were still alive. First, Malia, then Anthony Jr each took a breath. They both kept smiles on their faces. Nathan was on my chest as well. I held them tight. I kissed their faces. I wept. My heart was torn. I never felt that way before in my life. The grief was more than I could bare! I looked them over from head to toe. I unwrapped them. We marveled at how much like my oldest Anthony Jr looked...also like daddy. And how much Malia and Nathan looked like my baby pictures. It was so nice to know A couple of my children would look like me. My oldest is a spitting image of my husband.

I didn't know how much someone could love. My heart exploded with my first daughter was born. When my triplets were born, it exploded all over again. What do you mean I couldn't bring these 3 precious children of mine home!?

I couldn't stop looking at them. I covered them and uncovered them over and over again. I whispered how much they were loved, how safe they would be, how beautiful they were and how much their sister would love them. I told them about how they looked like their daddy or their mommy. I touched every inch of their skin. I kissed every part of them. I examined their faces, their head, their bellies, their fingers, toes....their little butt cheeks. All of them. I couldn't stop looking. But I had to. I wouldn't stop bleeding and the cords came detached from the placentas, and the placentas wouldn't come out of me. Double dose of morphine, dr trying as hard as he could, they wouldn't budge. I had to go to surgery. I begged them to let me stay with my babies. We were running out of time though and my infection wouldn't go away until the placentas came out. They promised that my babies would be in my room when I returned. The nurse weighed them, dressed them all while the dr was trying to do everything he could to keep me out of surgery so I could stay with the babies. I kissed them goodbye. They were pronounced dead just before they had to take me to surgery.

I can still smell their little heads. I can still feel their skin on my lips when I would kiss their sweet faces. My beautiful Nathan, Malia, and Anthony Jr.

Nathan Richard

Malia Elizabeth

Anthony Thomas Jr