It's a....

GIRL!!! We went to the dr. on Wednesday the 23rd and had our ultrasound. We walked into our room and Anthony told the technician that we didn't want her to tell us the sex of the baby. We would like for her to seal it in an envelope so we could place it in our stocking and open with our presents (which would be Christmas Eve morning). She was excited for us. Apparently, we were the first ones to suggest that that day.

The technician went over every part of our baby, from the top of her head, to the tip of her toes. She then went to take some 3D pics, but admitted they wouldn't really turn out because she was hiding her face between her arms. Either she is defiant already, or she is really shy like her mommy. After the exam was over, while we waited for the pics to download to our CD, our technician left to write down the sex of the baby and seal it in an envelope. She returned and said she checked really hard to make sure we couldn't peak, holding it up to the lights and everything. What a fun lady she was!

On our way home I just agonized over the envelope. What was I thinking!? I just wanted to know. Anthony was strong though. He took the envelope away and took me back to work. It was a long afternoon at work wondering what my child was. It's all I could think about. When I got home, I begged my husband to open the envelope. He was pretty firm and strong about holding out til morning. Around 10pm that night though, he couldn't take it any longer either. He said we could open it at midnight, and technically it would be Christmas eve. It was such a long wait!!! We both stated what we thought the baby was. I was confident it was a boy. Anthony was pretty sure it was a girl. He said God has a lot to still teach him about sensitivity and such and so God would do it through his daughter. I handed him the envelope and had him open it. We both hung onto the paper like it was our child, slowly opened the note, and read it...."Congratulations, you are going to have a GIRL!" I couldn't believe it! We both teared up a little, and I was speechless. I was going to have a daughter in a few short months! My husband was going to have a daddy's little girl! I am still in awe!

We talked about names from the day we knew we would be a family before we were even married. We decided on the name Claire Marie. She is already such an important person in our lives! We quickly decided how we would share this with our families, and went to bed. It was 2:30 in the morning. I was exhausted!

I woke up at 6:30 sick to my stomach, so I had to get up to eat. I went back to bed, only to have my husband wake me up at 8 like a little child ready to open presents! I got about 4 hours of sleep and Claire and I were feeling it! Christmas was amazing knowing we were going to have a daughter. The feeling of being a mommy is indescribable to me. I have no words, only tears, and feelings of overwhelming joy.

Today, we went out shopping for a little while. All I wanted to do was find an outfit for Claire. I have waited for this day for so long. I couldn't wait to find out if the baby was a boy or girl so I could buy an outfit that wasn't gender neutral. We found the cutest dress ever and brought it home and hung it on our tree. I love her more than words can say already, and she already has daddy wrapped around her little finger.

Here is a picture of her hiding behind her arm.



Here is a picture of me at 18 weeks, just before we found out that we were having a girl. It's one of only 2 I have so far. I wasn't really in the picture taking mood up until recently. I've just been so sick.

So sue me...

It's been a long time since I last posted. I know. I can't help it. In the last post I noticed I wrote about how I thought things were turning around with being sick. Boy was I wrong. We are at just over 17 weeks right now, and I'm still sick. The last week has been the best I've had yet though. So do I dare say now that I think things may be turning around? In the past few months there's been a hospital visit, Dr visits, weight loss, lots of laying on my couch feeling useless as my husband does EVERYTHING around the house....it's been slightly miserable. I say slightly because my baby is doing wonderful through all this, and is healthy, and very active. I just have a few side effects. I'll take it though. Every last one. I won't lie, it gets hard sometimes. I feel like I can't do it much longer, and then I have a non-sick day, and I'm so happy to have this baby. I feel so blessed that after all we went through, in the grand scheme of things, some couples go through way more, with less than exciting results. For that, I thank God every morning that He chose us to be able to carry this baby and parent this child. What an amazing gift.

We have our ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby on Wednesday the 23rd. We will have them seal it in an envelope though and place it in our stocking to open on Christmas morning. The best Christmas present has been this child, so what better than to find out if our child will be a boy or girl on Christmas! We are so excited. My husband gives me the countdown every evening. He is so adorable. I tease (though I think it is going to come true more and more each day) him that after this child is born, I will never be able to hold and snuggle him or her because my husband won't share. He will be the best daddy ever. I can't wait to see him with our baby. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it!

We are almost half way through this pregnancy. So far, I've had a slight weight loss, nothing terrible. The Dr said she isn't going to worry until we are at 20 weeks. If we don't start gaining then, she will begin to do some tests to figure out why. She did say that some people just don't gain any weight while pregnant and their babies are perfectly fine. I volunteer to be that person! Heck yes! As long as my child is healthy and receiving everything he/she needs, bring on the "no weight gain"!

We have taken one picture on my belly since this all began. My husband bugged me for weeks to take pictures, but I told him, if you had the flu and I kept bugging you to pose and smile for me so I could take a picture, I think you would punch me. Well, no one wants to take a picture when they feel like they are close to death's door. I told him now that I'm feeling better, we can take a picture every week if he wants, and believe me, he wants! I will post the pic soon. It's of 16 weeks. I seemed to have popped this past week as the sweater I wore to church last Sunday is now become a belly shirt for me.

I will try to keep this updated more. I really will, but if it's anything like the first 17 weeks, I may not be on for a while. So sue me!

I like to move it, move it

We got to see the baby move today!!! It was so amazing. When we started the ultrasound, the baby was sleeping, and just lying there still. But after a lot of probing, and probably annoying my child, he/she started moving and swimming all around. We got to see the arms moving and the legs kicking. The baby was trying to suck it's thumb at one point. It was incredible. I never thought I could feel more joy each and every time we see the baby.

This was our last appointment with the fertility clinic. We are officially graduates of that place. We couldn't be happier. The doctor said she would save a spot on the board for a pic of the baby. I hope we never have to go back there again. They were incredible though. There wouldn't be another place I would recommend higher than the Unity Hospital Fertility Clinic. Such great staff, and they just were compassionate from day one.

I am still sick, though I think things are starting to turn for the better since every few days I can eat a little bit or normal food. It's nice to sit down and have a small meal instead of just a few crackers and an Ensure. Really nice.

Here is the last pic of the baby. It's a little blurry because my bladder filled back up and she couldn't get as close to the baby as she had in the past. You can really see his/her arms and legs in this pic. This is the pic they got while the baby was still sleeping sweetly.

I just want to eat!!!!

This week has started even more nausea and vomiting. SO fun. No, but really, I am grateful that the baby is healthy. I just really want to eat. I pretty much am on an Ensure diet, with a few crackers (gluten free of course), and rice cakes in there intermittently. Last Sunday, I really really craved chicken wings. So after calling about a dozen places to find one that made them with a sauce that was gluten free, I ordered them. My wonderful husband picked them up for me and off I went. It was the first real food I had eaten in 3 weeks. I know, hindsight is always 20/20. If my stomach hasn't really had food in 3 weeks, prolly shouldn't be introducing chicken wings as the first food! Don't worry, I learned the hard way. I was up all night Sunday, getting sick, and getting sick again. Good times. Cravings aren't always good you know? What? You did know? Thanks for sharing! The next few days were a toilet hugging blur.

A friend of mine told me about SeaBands. I literally am willing to try anything. So I've been wearing them for the remainder of the week. I do have to say they help with the nausea, but I still can't eat. So I'm hungry, which in turn leaves me with some nausea. It's a no win situation at this point. Another friend mentioned to me that she chewed Bubble Gum constantly. Again, I will try anything. I bought some and along with the bands it's going pretty good. It's a jaw tiring feat though. Each day is different. I don't know if I believe it's either theory. But for now, I am not about to stop either because I don't like feeling like I'm about to lose it any second all day long.


On the dr front, we have our last appointment with our fertility specialist on Monday. That means no more weekly pictures. I will be sad, but also so incredibly happy to carry on like a normal pregnancy for the remainder of this child's stay at Casa de Womb. We have our first appointment with our OB on Friday. It's so exciting.

Our next ultrasound will probably be around Christmas to find out the sex of the baby. Can't wait. That is our only element of surprise in this pregnancy because everyone really knew about the fertility and dates of possibly pregnancy. No surprise or creative stories there. It will be fun to surprise everyone in our family and our friends at Christmas with what we will be having. I've felt like it's a girl for the past 10 weeks, BUT last night I had my first good dream about the baby. In the dream I was decorating the nursery, and putting the clothes away, and they were all boy clothes. Now, I don't know what I feel. My husband wants a boy, and so do I. I think it would be nice for my children to have a big brother. We'll see. Either way, I am will be so happy for a healthy baby.





Here's our last picture of the little one. The baby is growing so much each week. It's so incredibly amazing!

"The human mind plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps"...

Proverbs 16:9

How true is that statement. There have been so many things that I had planned out in my life, so many events, so many details. Not much of it happened in the timeline that I set for myself. When I was a little girl playing with my dolls up in my bedroom, I remember thinking that if I went to college, I would find a boy. We would love each other, get married, and have children all before I was 25. I wanted nothing more than to be a mom since I could remember (well that and an elephant, but that is for another day)! I didn't meet a boy in college, well I did meet a few, but they didn't really work out....and God had a plan all along.

After I graduated college I had a new plan. I didn't want to get married before I was 30 years old, and I would start having children around 33. Perfect right? No. God still had a plan and I just wasn't really interested. I met my husband...online...on myspace...I know, I know. I didn't make it easy. I ignored his messages, I was short and tried to show I was uninterested. He was persistent. I refused to give him my phone number for the longest time. This way, if he ever got boring, scary, weird, all I had to do was delete my myspace, and voila! I would be rid of him. God had a different plan. He knew that this man was the man that God had created just for me. Long story short...really short....we are now married after 18 months total of dating/engagement.

When we were dating we always talked about waiting a year or more before starting a family. He is older than I am and didn't want to wait too long, I on the other hand already got married earlier than I "planned" and didn't want to do the kid thing too much earlier either. I really enjoy my sleep, and get-up-and-go-whenever-I-want lifestyle. After about 5 months of being married, we decided we should at least get physicals because I knew it would be difficult to get pregnant. So much for our plan of waiting a year or more. You can read about our fertility journey in previous posts, but after about a year of medications and bruises and heartache, we finally found out we were pregnant. God has a plan.

I always planned to have an uneventful pregnancy (naive, I know). I hoped I wouldn't be sick, I wouldn't be weepy, and that baby would be the healthiest ever. We went for our first ultrasound and the dr came in with worst case scenario news (you can read the last post for that). We came home and prayed, and a few elders and close friends at my church came around me that week, layed hands on my baby, and prayed. I believed that this time, our plan of a healthy baby would be God's plan as well. So much for the "no nausea" pregnancy. I can't eat a friggin thing! I am sick all day, but that makes me feel wonderful to know that that only means the baby is still alive and well inside of me. We went for our ultrasound again yesterday. We got nothing but WONDERFUL news. Our baby's sac was now at about 7 weeks, and the baby is measuring at 8 weeks. That means while the baby grew the week it was supposed to, the sac grew a week and a half! I do not have to go on the injectable drugs, and I no longer have to continue with the baby aspirin a day! Praise God! I knew the baby would catch up. We have another ultrasound next week, and can't wait to see our little one again! This child will have more pictures before he/she is born than after!

Here is the newest ultrasound, you can even see how much bigger both the sac, and the baby have grown!

Hang in there...this one will be long

It's been a while since I've posted. I wasn't sure when I would post again. I left off with my husband and I having been inseminated and waiting to find out if it worked. We had to wait two, looooonnnnnggggg weeks to find out if we were pregnant. On September 14th, around 7:30am we took a pregnancy test, and within seconds it was POSITIVE!!! We were so excited. Sources say I may have even teared up a bit. My husband was still sleeping, so I went downstairs to take a picture because I didn't want to loose the lines (now I know they won't go away). I climbed back into bed next to my husband and whispered in his ear that he was going to be a daddy! He was so excited. I showed him the test, and we were ecstatic! I had to finish getting ready for work, and while I was getting ready I heard him tell our dog that he was going to be a big brother. That made my heart melt a little more. I am so in love with my husband. He may be a big, muscular, tough guy on the outside, but he's such a softy! (Shhh, don't tell him I let out that secret!)

Well, because it was so early, I didn't want to post it on here yet, because the only thing I regret about this whole fertility process is the amount of people that know all our deadlines and important dates. Can't keep a secret, and definitely can't be creative with how to spread the news! Anyways, I called our dr that day and went in for blood work to confirm. They had me go for blood work every other day that week. My numbers were rising normal, so I was done with that and got to schedule the ultrasound. It has been the LONGEST 3 weeks of my life waiting for this ultrasound. When I scheduled it I was thinking about taking the last possible appointment so that I could work a full day. What a mistake that was! I couldn't think about anything else all day long. So, that mistake won't be made again, 1st available appointment for ultrasounds in the future. Our ultrasound was yesterday afternoon. We went in, couldn't keep the smiles off our faces. We were both so excited to see our baby. This was really real! We went in and saw our little grain of rice (that's right, just ONE for all those out there who were hoping for multiples), and the top half was flickering with the heartbeat. My husband couldn't see, so the dr. said she would try to hear it, and we did! We got to hear the heartbeat! It was the most incredible moment of my life. I will never forget the first time we heard our baby's life! Makes me tear up just thinking about it! The dr. had to leave for a phone call and would be right back. I got dressed and my husband and I gushed over the pictures. Really, it doesn't look like a darn thing yet because it's still so small, but we know what it is!

When the dr returned the mood in the room slightly shifted. She said she only wanted to talk about one thing that concerned her. Red flags went up, blood drained out of my face, and I don't think I could feel my legs. We sat and she began by saying our baby measured right where he/she should at 7 weeks, however, our sac was measuring at 5 1/2 weeks. It could mean an array of things that we won't know for at least another week. It could be fine and just mean we will have a smaller sac, it could mean chromosomal abnormalities, it could mean the baby won't make it much longer, the list goes on. In the beginning of our fertility route, I was tested for EVERYTHING. My antibody levels were slightly raised, that is one reason they found I had Celiac's Disease. She said that it wasn't anything to worry about at that time. She brought up those levels yesterday. I had to be retested to see if the pregnancy changed my levels at all. I also started on a baby aspirin a day. Next week we have another ultrasound and the dr said if the sac hasn't grown then we will worry more. I will start on an injectable drug called lori-something-or-other, and along with the baby aspirin, see if that helps at all. It has something to do with the network of blood vessels, and such, transporting the correct amounts of everything to the baby. I asked all the questions I could think of, listened to as much as I could take, and left to schedule my next week's ultrasound. We left in kind of a whirlwind, at least I did. How come nothing is ever just normal for me. I can't go in and leave with a perfectly normal exam/bill of health. My husband is a rock though. In the elevator he told me he rebuked the dr's every words. He said our baby is in God's hands and God has a plan already. We will be fine with it, and that our baby will be fine, and we will pray even harder over this little life inside of me. He told me not to stress, and I am really trying. Next week won't come quick enough, I know that much.

All this to say, I decided to let the cat out of the bag early to get as much prayer as possible for our little one right now. We will know more next week, and until then I will be praying with fervency like never before, as I hope you all join with me in doing. I will keep you posted, I promise. Thanks for your prayers, and thanks for your inquiries all of you who couldn't wait for this post and contacted me personally. This child belongs to the Lord, so His will I pray is done with this little life. Just please God, let your will be a healthy, strong, beautiful baby!

I'll leave you with this image...(it's a little blury, but really it's not much to see just yet!)

No news yet...

but maybe in a week! After my last post it was a whirlwind of dr's appointments. I was getting my blood drawn every other day, and the days in between I was getting ultrasounds done. My thigh was bruised in multiple places, both my arms were bruised, and I broke down crying multiple times over the constant needles and just the thought of the whole procedure. I know many people endure this for many more years than I have, and I absolutely give them props. I can't do this much longer. It's emotionally draining, not to mention it doesn't help that the medications make me even more emotional.

So, after 21 days of shots and blood draws, and ultrasounds, my dr was excited to see that I had 2, maybe even 3, viable eggs to be released! Yes! Not 8, and not 1! 3 - 4 is the ideal amount to have the most success. Last Saturday we went in for an ultrasound and my follicles were at 17 and 18mm, the perfect size. So she wanted me to have one more shot Saturday (we'll talk more about that later), and then on Sunday have the HcG shot. Monday was the scheduled IUI. We were so excited. It worked, it actually worked! I couldn't believe I was going to ovulate, let alone the possibility of pregnancy. I just haven't ovulated in an abnormally long time! The dr took us into her office to show us how to do the shots I would be receiving that weekend. It's hard to explain, but the shots I had at home came in a pen with 450ui. Needing only 112.5 of that, it would be wasting a lot of medication, as well as money. So, our dr gave us the last dose of medicine for Saturday. It came in 3 viles, 1 water, 2 powder. There was a mixing technique and then the dreaded shot. Only this time instead of the 1/2 in needle in my thigh I was used to and could tolerate, it was a 1 1/2 in needle in my muscle in my butt. Scary!!! We went home, Anthony mixed the medicine later that day and I iced my butt for 1/2 an hour. Yeah, that's right. I wanted it good and numb. I laid down on my bed, and my husband (nervous and scared he would hurt me) mixed my the meds and I started hyperventilating and crying so hard. I have an INTENSE fear of needles. It was ridiculous, but I couldn't help it. My husband kept walking me through deep breaths and then it happened. He stuck me right in the muscle with that ENORMOUS needle. It didn't hurt that bad, some burning is all. After though, it felt like growing pains down my butt and leg. It was uncomfortable to sit or lay on my right side for the remainder of the day and night. Unfortunately, my husband then had to go to work for the night. I was upset about that as well, but it's life. Sunday I woke up any my right side felt fine again. Thank God! It didn't last that long. But, now it was time for the other cheek. We had to have our HcG shot by noon on Sunday, so when my husband got home from work that morning, he slept and I watched church online. I had to wake him up, he mixed the medicine again. This time there was 1 vile of water, and 1 of powder. My husband reminded me that it wasn't so bad last time....and you better bet that I iced my butt for 1/2 an hour again so that it would be numb. I started crying (again, I can't help it), and deep breaths, and my husband stuck the needle in. I screamed, literally. I started screaming and crying hysterically. It hurt so incredibly bad, a pain I can't even describe. It felt like he went in my side directly into my hip bone. Obviously, he didn't, but he pulled the needle out before he injected the medication. Yes, I was screaming that bad. After, I settled down, deep breaths, he put the needle back in and injected the medicine. Not that bad. Monday morning we went in to drop off the "specimen" at 9am. Then, we needed to return at noon for the insemination. It was a quick procedure, out of the office by 12:15 and home to lounge around with my husband. I've had mild cramping on and off for the past few days, but nothing alarming.

We are praying this works because I am not sure I can go through this again. I would take a thousand shots in my thigh over the one in my butt, I know this for sure. We will know if we are pregnant 2 weeks from the IUI. We are taking a pregnancy test on the 14th of September, and then we have to call the dr office on the 15th. We are super excited for what God can and will do in our lives through this process.

**on a side note** I have a daily calendar on my desk with a verse for every day. It's been pretty amazing through this process that many of the scriptures are exactly what I need to hear or study on that day. Yesterday's (when I was really wondering "what if this doesn't work?") it was "And the child grew, and the Lord blessed him." Judges 13:24! If that's not God's divineness, then I don't know what is.

Sorry...but not really...

I haven't posted in a while. With good reason though. Nothing much has changed. I am still getting daily shots and going for blood work every other day. My levels are SLOWLY rising, which really is a good thing. They are being extra cautious with me because they said I have a "scary amount of eggs" in my ovaries, and they don't want all of them deciding to mature at once. So while my levels stick around the 121 mark at day 12 (probably more now because it's day 15 and I find out today the new levels), we are waiting til they are up around 400. This may take a while. I started at 94.

We were encouraged though. They dr told us that it isn't a matter of whether or not this will work, it will definitely work!!! Yea!!! It's just a matter of timing, and getting my levels to rise on the right dose, and waiting for a few eggs to mature. We can't wait. Hopefully, in the next month of so we will have exciting news!!!

Until then, off to my daily routine!

Just a quickie...

The dr. called on Saturday morning and said that my levels are rising, but they aren't high enough yet. Which means I get to continue with the shots through Monday and go back for more blood work on Monday. Tuesday I will call the office at 9 and find out the next steps. Getting close. I can't wait to see what happens. The side effects have been really yucky as time goes on and my levels rise. I have been pretty nauseous, pretty intense headaches, and lots of bruises on my thigh. Good times. Oh please work!!! Until I get more news, that's all I got. I'm going to lay back down. Writing this has made me tired and sick again. blah...

New Decor

This is the newest addition to my bedroom decor. Please ignore the empty glass I fill with water each night, and the stack of papers and calendars that serve to remind me of what I need to do each day in this process. As of yesterday's dr appointment, my brain has officially been declared as broken in the area of communicating with my ovaries. Maybe they are in a fight. I don't care anymore. The only thing left for us to do right now is the injectable drugs. We got a lesson on how to administer them yesterday. I then went for blood work to check my estrogen levels. Today the dr has said they are good and to start administering the meds. So, starting this afternoon, and for the next 7 - 10 days, my husband will be poking me with needles. I'm a bit nervous. I don't do needles. I once had knee surgery, and for the dr's to get an IV in me, it took 3 nurses, the dr, and my mom and dad to hold me down. It was bad. And that was a simple IV. Good thing I was asleep for the ripping open of my knee and the sewing back up. I HATE needles, and I never say "hate"! I will do this though. The end result is what I've dreamt about for years and years.

The schedule goes something like this:

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday - poke, poke, poke, poke

Friday I will go get my blood drawn again to check my estrogen levels, and ovaries can be VERY sensitive to this medication, and it can cause problems if your levels get too high.

The dr will call me Saturday morning. Then depending on the level of estrogen in my system, we will either continue for the next 3 - 6 days with injections, and I am sure, at least one more blood draw.

So, that's my life right now. Still on a schedule, a very rigid, no room for error, consumes my every waking thought schedule. Last night, I was very upset at this outcome. I feel like in some way I've failed. I didn't want it to come to this, I know the risks and I didn't want to make the decisions that may follow. I know there are hundreds, no probably more like thousands of success stories with the use of these drugs, but why would anything be normal? It hasn't up to this point. My husband is my rock. He is always there to hold me, to pick up my pieces, and to encourage me that God is still with us. He is still walking through this with us, and has a plan to fulfill throughout this whole process. I love him. I am so glad he was diligent at pursuing me when I was so skeptical. Today, I have hope. We could be pregnant in 3 weeks. God has a plan. This I know, and what the enemy has planned for destruction, God can turn it around and plan for greatness. Now, on to the greatness!

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again...

And that's just what we are going to do. Our dr. appointment didn't go as hoped yesterday. When we got to the dr. she did an ultrasound, and in less than one minute she determined my ovaries were doing absolutely nothing. Our next step? We had a choice, more meds, or injectable drugs. Apparently, on the high doses of fertility drugs, my brain isn't telling my ovaries what they should be doing. We have one more dose to try, so we will get our next ultrasound on August 10th. We will then know if we either a) get the HCG shot and get inseminated, or b) start injectable drugs. We need to take a class next week informing us of the use and positive and negative aspects of using injectables. My dr said there should be NO problem with me getting pregnant on the injectables because it's medicine that goes right to my ovaries, and that way my brain won't be the one giving the signals (cause apparently it's confused right now). Why don't we go right to the injectables you may ask? Well, a couple of reasons. It's a big step. There are classes we need to take, a petition to our insurance company that has to take place, there is a VERY high risk that my ovaries will let out multiple eggs because of my age and the fact that I have PLENTY of eggs in my ovaries, and then there is the whole thing about 2 needles getting stuck in to me every day for up to 15 days each month until we become pregnant. If we do injectables, the normal dose is 150units, I will be getting 37.5. That's how risky it is for us to have multiples. While Anthony and I are fine if we have twins, any higher than that, there is a great risk of losing one or more babies. NOT something anyone wants to go through. We are really hoping maybe this last dosage of Clomid will work so we don't have to go the more risky route. So, we are faced with a lot of decisions in the near future, and a LOT of prayer. We believe God must have great plans for our child(ren) and our family if satan thinks this hard about hindering our plans of creating a family. If you read this, and you know the power of prayer, please be petitioning our GREAT GOD on our behalf. We would greatly appreciate it. For now though it's time to endure the side effects of this next dosage. It will all be worth it in the end, we know this for sure.

Testing, Needles, and syringes oh my!

Last Tuesday I went back to the Fertility Specialist for an "intense discussion" since all my test results had come back. I asked if we could discuss our plan of action over the phone (trying to avoid another copay!!!) but she said no. We needed to come in to the office for an "intense discussion". So we did. She took me to a room to see if we had become pregnant on our own in the last month, and the ultrasound showed my body was doing absolutely nothing. Yup, that's right, my body still hates me. So, she put me on a high dosage of Clomid, she thinks they were under dosing my body. On Friday the 31st, we will go to the dr for an ultrasound. If there is a follicle on my ovary I will get a HCG shot in my butt. Did I ever mention that I hate needles!? Like am deathly afraid of them!? IF all of this does go through, then Saturday morning we will go in and I will be inseminated. The dr seems to be optomistic, but I know not to get my hopes up by now. I just pray that God will touch my body and make it happen. This is all I can do. I'll update after Friday. Praying hard this week!

Sawdust

If you have been following, last Tuesday I had an endoscopy done to test to see if I had Celiacs. The dr stated to call on Monday or Tuesday for the results of the test. So, Tuesday morning I called the office where the secretary said the note in my file says that the results are still pending. She then stated that when the dr gets the results she will send a letter about them, she will not call. Ok, but why did she say to call for results then? Well, the secretary didn't know. So I assumed I wouldn't know results until at least next Monday if I needed to wait for my dr to read my results, write up a letter, AND send it snail mail to my house. I thought this was the 21st century and telephones were invented?! To my surprise, while laying on the couch resting with my husband yesterday evening, I got a phone call from...surprise!...my dr. She said that the results were in and I needed to start the gluten-free diet, and by gluten-free, strictly gluten-free. She said I could come in and talk to her about the diet if I wanted, and I declined. No thanks, I don't need to pay ANOTHER copay for her to tell me what I already know about my new diet. So, I decided I would start Saturday since I really NEED to go to Delmonico's one last time and Friday night is the only time we have free to do that. Unfortunately, my niece's birthday is Saturday and that means no cake for me!

SO, if anyone out there has great gluten-free recipes, please let me know. I'm open to anything. My mother has celiacs, so she has a lot too, but I wouldn't mind some fresh, new, fun recipes!

Out with the old...In with the new!

Today, my husband and I went to go pick up my new car. We have been looking for about a year for a new car. I had a few prerequisites, but wasn't really that picky. Anthony, on the other hand, is pretty picky with cars. We wanted a car with a bigger back seat, was newer, less miles, and I needed leather seats. The dog hair on the cloth seats was driving me CRAZY, and I was tired of my "ghetto" back seat covered in sheets to try to keep the hair on the seats to the minimum. Finally, we found it! It was in Canandaigua, but we didn't care. We took a drive out last weekend and looked at it, and decided we would get it. Not only did it fit my prerequisites, but it has some pretty sweet bonus features. It is silver, with dark gray leather seats, a 6 disk cd changer, power locks and windows (yes, that's right, my last car did NOT have power windows OR locks), heated seats, and a sun roof! I was so excited about this car, I couldn't even wait to pick it up. We got home and my husband waxed and dolled it up some more, and all I wanted to do was drive it! Here are some pics of my new car:

Goodbye Cavalier....you treated me well! Be good to your new owners!

Copays

**warning** This post is going to make me a little vulnerable, but let's get real. After all, that's what this blog is supposed to be for me...making it so I am no longer reticent about life. It also will be a bit long, a LOT of stuff going on here.

Life around our house lately has been pretty busy. Co-pays are the recurring theme. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for about 9 months. Unfortunately, I don't ovulate. THIS makes it a little difficult to be able to make a baby. Because of this reason, they don't wait the magical "one year" to be aggressive with trying to conceive. Apparently, if you are trying to conceive for a year or more and are unsuccessful, the dr's label you as infertile. Well, my dr's labeled me infertile off the bat. I haven't ovulated since I was like 16 years old. No one could ever give me a reason though, no one ever tried to find a reason either. My dr. put me on Clomid after the 1st of the year. We went through 3 cycles of Clomid, slowly increasing dosage each time. Nothing. My ovaries didn't even try to pretend they were going to cooperate. The 4th round was prefaced with a drug called Metformin, which coupled with Clomid, is supposed to jump start my ovaries. Yeah, guess what? MY ovaries hate me. They didn't want anything to do with it, they didn't even bat an eyelash (that is, IF they had eyelashes!) So this is when my dr was out of options and sent us to the fertility specialist. Well, that is where things got a little crazy. Hang in there, if you are still with me, this may be a really long post....The fertility dr asks a million questions, and takes into account every single disease or illness in your family...EVER. My mother has Celiac's disease. It's a disease where your body can't break down gluten, therefore you do not get the appropriate nutrients you need, and have to be on a gross, nasty, sawdust tasting, gluten free diet. Apparently, my dr took one look at me and since my only symptom is infertility (yup, a symptom of celiac's is infertility...weird), she thinks that I have it. So after checking my ovaries and finding that I do in fact have LOTS of eggs (thanks guys, now HAND THEM OVER!!!), we moved on in the testing. I went downstairs for blood tests where they proceeded to take 14 viles of blood. Yes, I almost died that day, thanks for caring. My dr called me back and said she wasn't surprised, and I shouldn't be either, but my blood test came back positive. Well, actually doc, I AM surprised, since I was praying that I did NOT have this awful, nasty, disgusting diet of a disease. Meanwhile, I made an appointment with the gastrointestinal specialist since they don't think blood tests are as accurate as the biopsy would be. Their first appointment wasn't until the middle of July. Well, waiting...yeah, we are done with that. We would have to wait til all of this information is gathered before we would even get to meet with the fertility dr again to discuss our plan of action. At the rate we were going, it would be another 9 months! So, Anthony and I prayed there would be a cancelation, and THERE WAS! I got an appointment for that next week! After meeting with this dr, she decided the biopsy was definately necessary and we scheduled it. The first opening was for August 4th. I was frustrated! It was only June 25th. Again, Anthony and I prayed there would be a cancelation, and I got a call back that afternoon! They had a cancelation for June 30th, less than a week away from that date! So excited (weird to be for a procedure like that), but any outcome would be bittersweet. Which brings us up to date. My endoscopy (biopsy of my small intestine) was done yesterday. I should have results by Monday or Tuesday. If it's Celiac's, nasty diet, but could be easy to get pregnant. If it's not Celiac's, great food, but still no answers to why my ovaries hate me. Now, I have one test left, scheduled for next Thursday. This one is a little scary. They inject dye into my uterus with a monstrous needle and then take an xray of my uterus and fallopian tubes to see if there are any blockages. I am so afraid it will hurt. A large needle, and THAT area, not two things I would put together voluntarily. Very nervous, and scared about this test. So if you are still with me, could you please pray it goes well, and is pain free? I would really covet your prayers!

Alright, I think I'm done for now. Got a lot going on in the next week, and hopefully getting some much needed answers. God is good. I just have to remember that His plan is better than mine, and all things work together for His glory. God, let me give you glory in all this. Amen!

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N (Part Two)

Well, it's taken me long enough, but I've finally been able to sit down and post the second half of our vacation. It was spent celebrating with my sister-in-law as she was winding down the days before her wedding. My mother-in-law picked us up from the car rental place on a Wednesday and we began our journey of what was SUPPOSED to be a 3 hour drive to the east coast, Fort Lauderdale. We stopped for lunch part way through our trip, thankfully, because my bladder is the size of a walnut and I had drank a LOT of water that morning. After lunch, we finished the drive to Ft. Lauderdale. We said our quick hello's and chatted briefly before we got to work. We had to make her wedding favors. It took about 3 people and 3 hours, but they were finally finished, and gorgeous! We didn't end up checking into our hotel until about midnight. We got to sleep in, and then it was a day of people arriving, jobs being done and duties being filled (my husband was the best man). We had a BIG family dinner when the groom and rest of the bride's family arrived. It was nice to sit around and chat and meet the family of the man who would be my brother-in-law in just 2 days. We got a chance to walk along the beach and enjoy the sunset that night. It was gorgeous. (Nothing like Siesta Key though, I do have to admit!!!) Friday was a surprise shower for Lenae, and then a brief time spent at the pool before we had to get ready for rehearsal. Rehearsal was like none other. The rules this church had were ridiculous. No pictures were allowed to be taken from the altar, which means all the wedding pictures would be of the bride and groom's rear ends! So not what ANY bride wants!!! They said you could reinact the moments...I'm not sure if they were ever married, or it was just so long ago they forgot...but the moments in your wedding, the emotions on your face...uh...you CAN'T reinact that stuff! After the rehearsal we went to this amazing restaurant for the rehearsal dinner called Chima. SO SO good! Then the party bus took everyone downtown to the Hard Rock Cafe. It was a neat little town within a town with shops, art galleries, bars, restaurants, and a smoke-filled, disgusting casino. My husband and I walked around a little and it was getting late. I am NOT a late night person. In fact, my body shuts down at 10pm. Don't believe me? Ask my husband! We were up so late every night in Ft. Lauderdale, and up again early each morning. Saturday morning we got up and got ready for the wedding. It was beautiful, despite the guestapo that headed it through the church. The reception was beautiful as well. We danced and ate all night, literally. I think we got in around midnight, and had to be at the airport by 8am the next morning. Needless to say, I was a wreck! We finally got home around 6:30 that night after landing, and going to pick up our dog. Home Sweet Home, there was nothing like it after being away for 10 days!!!

Here are some picks from the second half of our trip (bare with me...there are quite a few!)

Our Hotel/Resort we stayed at in Ft. Lauderdale

Our view....gorgeous!

The pool at our hotel/resort

The east coast ocean (admittedly not my favorite side)

My friend from college (Ev's) sister worked at our resort!!! Such a small world! She sent up a bowl of fruit and champagne to our room for us! How sweet!

My mother-in-law and niece at the family dinner Thursday night.


My nieces and nephew ate breakfast with us in our room each morning.

The surprise shower for my sister-in-law.

My husband and I the night of the rehearsal.

Ha, my sister-in-law playing duck, duck, goose at the rehearsal dinner.

The lights shone done all over Hard Rock with different phrases. This was my favorite.

Part of the party bus.

My handsome husband getting ready for the wedding!

The bride and groom!

Tyler got down on one knee and presented Gianna with a cross necklace saying that he wasn't just marrying her mother, but her also! Not a dry eye in the church!

They released doves after the ceremony.

They arrived to the reception on horse and carriage.

My husband didn't take long to get comfortable and ready to dance!

V-A-C-A_T-I-O-N (Part one!)

Part ONE:

My husband and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary this past May 31st. To celebrate, we went back to the spot we honeymooned at, Siesta Key, and plan on returning every year if we can! We just love it there. Our days consisted of sleeping in, laying on the beach, laying at the pool, going out to eat, and driving our walking around the different keys. Everyday was beautiful, sunny, hot, NO rain! Unbelievable! We left on Friday the 29th and spent the next luxurious, wonderful, dreamy 4 days on the white, powdery sands of Siesta Beach. It was so relaxing, and exactly what I needed to be restored. We spent our evenings watching the sun set on different beaches, and just enjoying being together, distraction free! We didn't carry around our phones or watches to keep track of time. It was like time didn't exist. So wonderful! We spent one day on a Dolphin and Manatee Watching Cruise. The excursion was 2 hours long, and for those that know me, I have loved dolphin for a VERY long time, but have never been able to see them in real life. Well, this day I got to see a whole bunch! It was so exciting for me. I took a lot of pictures, but unfortunately, they all look the same. It's hard to capture them when they come out of the water. They move so quick, and only come up to get air. I was hoping to catch some playing and jumping, but I didn't get to. We never did see manatee's either. That was a bummer, but the cruise was amazing! Here are a few pics from our trip:

At Siesta Key Beach for the sunset:

Our Anniversary dinner at our favorite restaurant on Venice Beach:

Chillin by the pool:







Our Dolphin watching cruise:

My husband being funny:

We liked it so much we came back at night to get a few shots of the water at night:

Our last day, and look at the beach until next year:

Part Two will come soon!