Sorry...but not really...

I haven't posted in a while. With good reason though. Nothing much has changed. I am still getting daily shots and going for blood work every other day. My levels are SLOWLY rising, which really is a good thing. They are being extra cautious with me because they said I have a "scary amount of eggs" in my ovaries, and they don't want all of them deciding to mature at once. So while my levels stick around the 121 mark at day 12 (probably more now because it's day 15 and I find out today the new levels), we are waiting til they are up around 400. This may take a while. I started at 94.

We were encouraged though. They dr told us that it isn't a matter of whether or not this will work, it will definitely work!!! Yea!!! It's just a matter of timing, and getting my levels to rise on the right dose, and waiting for a few eggs to mature. We can't wait. Hopefully, in the next month of so we will have exciting news!!!

Until then, off to my daily routine!

Just a quickie...

The dr. called on Saturday morning and said that my levels are rising, but they aren't high enough yet. Which means I get to continue with the shots through Monday and go back for more blood work on Monday. Tuesday I will call the office at 9 and find out the next steps. Getting close. I can't wait to see what happens. The side effects have been really yucky as time goes on and my levels rise. I have been pretty nauseous, pretty intense headaches, and lots of bruises on my thigh. Good times. Oh please work!!! Until I get more news, that's all I got. I'm going to lay back down. Writing this has made me tired and sick again. blah...

New Decor

This is the newest addition to my bedroom decor. Please ignore the empty glass I fill with water each night, and the stack of papers and calendars that serve to remind me of what I need to do each day in this process. As of yesterday's dr appointment, my brain has officially been declared as broken in the area of communicating with my ovaries. Maybe they are in a fight. I don't care anymore. The only thing left for us to do right now is the injectable drugs. We got a lesson on how to administer them yesterday. I then went for blood work to check my estrogen levels. Today the dr has said they are good and to start administering the meds. So, starting this afternoon, and for the next 7 - 10 days, my husband will be poking me with needles. I'm a bit nervous. I don't do needles. I once had knee surgery, and for the dr's to get an IV in me, it took 3 nurses, the dr, and my mom and dad to hold me down. It was bad. And that was a simple IV. Good thing I was asleep for the ripping open of my knee and the sewing back up. I HATE needles, and I never say "hate"! I will do this though. The end result is what I've dreamt about for years and years.

The schedule goes something like this:

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday - poke, poke, poke, poke

Friday I will go get my blood drawn again to check my estrogen levels, and ovaries can be VERY sensitive to this medication, and it can cause problems if your levels get too high.

The dr will call me Saturday morning. Then depending on the level of estrogen in my system, we will either continue for the next 3 - 6 days with injections, and I am sure, at least one more blood draw.

So, that's my life right now. Still on a schedule, a very rigid, no room for error, consumes my every waking thought schedule. Last night, I was very upset at this outcome. I feel like in some way I've failed. I didn't want it to come to this, I know the risks and I didn't want to make the decisions that may follow. I know there are hundreds, no probably more like thousands of success stories with the use of these drugs, but why would anything be normal? It hasn't up to this point. My husband is my rock. He is always there to hold me, to pick up my pieces, and to encourage me that God is still with us. He is still walking through this with us, and has a plan to fulfill throughout this whole process. I love him. I am so glad he was diligent at pursuing me when I was so skeptical. Today, I have hope. We could be pregnant in 3 weeks. God has a plan. This I know, and what the enemy has planned for destruction, God can turn it around and plan for greatness. Now, on to the greatness!

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again...

And that's just what we are going to do. Our dr. appointment didn't go as hoped yesterday. When we got to the dr. she did an ultrasound, and in less than one minute she determined my ovaries were doing absolutely nothing. Our next step? We had a choice, more meds, or injectable drugs. Apparently, on the high doses of fertility drugs, my brain isn't telling my ovaries what they should be doing. We have one more dose to try, so we will get our next ultrasound on August 10th. We will then know if we either a) get the HCG shot and get inseminated, or b) start injectable drugs. We need to take a class next week informing us of the use and positive and negative aspects of using injectables. My dr said there should be NO problem with me getting pregnant on the injectables because it's medicine that goes right to my ovaries, and that way my brain won't be the one giving the signals (cause apparently it's confused right now). Why don't we go right to the injectables you may ask? Well, a couple of reasons. It's a big step. There are classes we need to take, a petition to our insurance company that has to take place, there is a VERY high risk that my ovaries will let out multiple eggs because of my age and the fact that I have PLENTY of eggs in my ovaries, and then there is the whole thing about 2 needles getting stuck in to me every day for up to 15 days each month until we become pregnant. If we do injectables, the normal dose is 150units, I will be getting 37.5. That's how risky it is for us to have multiples. While Anthony and I are fine if we have twins, any higher than that, there is a great risk of losing one or more babies. NOT something anyone wants to go through. We are really hoping maybe this last dosage of Clomid will work so we don't have to go the more risky route. So, we are faced with a lot of decisions in the near future, and a LOT of prayer. We believe God must have great plans for our child(ren) and our family if satan thinks this hard about hindering our plans of creating a family. If you read this, and you know the power of prayer, please be petitioning our GREAT GOD on our behalf. We would greatly appreciate it. For now though it's time to endure the side effects of this next dosage. It will all be worth it in the end, we know this for sure.