New Decor

This is the newest addition to my bedroom decor. Please ignore the empty glass I fill with water each night, and the stack of papers and calendars that serve to remind me of what I need to do each day in this process. As of yesterday's dr appointment, my brain has officially been declared as broken in the area of communicating with my ovaries. Maybe they are in a fight. I don't care anymore. The only thing left for us to do right now is the injectable drugs. We got a lesson on how to administer them yesterday. I then went for blood work to check my estrogen levels. Today the dr has said they are good and to start administering the meds. So, starting this afternoon, and for the next 7 - 10 days, my husband will be poking me with needles. I'm a bit nervous. I don't do needles. I once had knee surgery, and for the dr's to get an IV in me, it took 3 nurses, the dr, and my mom and dad to hold me down. It was bad. And that was a simple IV. Good thing I was asleep for the ripping open of my knee and the sewing back up. I HATE needles, and I never say "hate"! I will do this though. The end result is what I've dreamt about for years and years.

The schedule goes something like this:

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday - poke, poke, poke, poke

Friday I will go get my blood drawn again to check my estrogen levels, and ovaries can be VERY sensitive to this medication, and it can cause problems if your levels get too high.

The dr will call me Saturday morning. Then depending on the level of estrogen in my system, we will either continue for the next 3 - 6 days with injections, and I am sure, at least one more blood draw.

So, that's my life right now. Still on a schedule, a very rigid, no room for error, consumes my every waking thought schedule. Last night, I was very upset at this outcome. I feel like in some way I've failed. I didn't want it to come to this, I know the risks and I didn't want to make the decisions that may follow. I know there are hundreds, no probably more like thousands of success stories with the use of these drugs, but why would anything be normal? It hasn't up to this point. My husband is my rock. He is always there to hold me, to pick up my pieces, and to encourage me that God is still with us. He is still walking through this with us, and has a plan to fulfill throughout this whole process. I love him. I am so glad he was diligent at pursuing me when I was so skeptical. Today, I have hope. We could be pregnant in 3 weeks. God has a plan. This I know, and what the enemy has planned for destruction, God can turn it around and plan for greatness. Now, on to the greatness!