letters to my children

anthony jr, my little buddy,

i am thinking of you often. we call daddy anthony sr now. it made him cry at first, tears of pride though that his son carried his name. no matter how brief. i see your smiling face every night before i go to sleep. i like to think of you and all your siblings. i know you never met your oldest sister, you just felt her kisses and heard her yell to you, and feel her spank your booty from the outside....but she sure does love you. she kisses your urn, and my necklace i have with some of your ashes in it every day, multiple times a day. i like to think of all of you before i drift of too sleep. i'll admit, it's selfishly to have dreams about you and your brother and sister. you were coy about all you did. i remember thinking how quiet and reserved you were because i felt your sister kicking ALL.DAY.LONG, and your brother too, even though he didn't have fluid. you, i never really felt for the longest time. THEN, we would see you on the screen at our ultrasounds each week, and you were kicking your sister nonstop! you were such a stinker, your hand behind your head...gulping your "water"....kicking your sister. here i was thinking you were the sweet quiet type. you didn't have me fooled for long anthony thomas jr. you even came out with your cute little smile, and your hand behind your head. you probably "kicked" your sister out in front of you. you were a funny guy. just like your daddy. just like your oldest sister. a real "ball breaker" as daddy would put it. miss you buddy. miss you so much my heart hurts. a piece of me is missing because you aren't here with me. can't wait to see your face again. kiss your sweet head and those smiling lips! i love you, to heaven and back!