learning how to dance again

i read, i watch sermons online, i listen to pastors on the radio. i'm trying to grow. i am trying to find purpose in my life, and in my journey. i don't want my life to be in vain. i don't want my life experiences to be in vain. i know the word of God says that He turns our mourning into dancing. i'm trying to learn how to dance. mourning is easy. it's there. every day, sometimes all day. the dancing....that part is hard. feeling happy about dancing....even more hard. guilt comes easy. like life shouldn't go on from the mourning. but i know what the truth is. and it's all about the grace of God and the mercy of Christ that covers each and every one of His children...through darkness, trials and valleys, as well as light, times of peace and mountain tops. dancing is what happens in between. you don't dance when you are in the valley. at least i don't. you are broken. your body doesn't work the way it was created. you weep. you seclude yourself, you lay in a ball on the floor. when you are on the mountaintop, you shout with joy, you dance around, you tell anyone and everyone who will listen. it's hard to dance sometimes though. even on the way up to that mountaintop. so, i read. i watch sermons online, i listen to pastors. i try to gain wisdom and direction on how to dance. sometimes you just have to force yourself. it may not look pretty at first. you may not be in step or have rhythm. but as you keep practicing, learning, trying, you get it. pretty soon your dancing is beautiful, and your steps are in tune with the steps of your creator. it takes a lot of practice though. sometimes more than other times. so i believe that dancing comes after mourning. and i'm trying to learn how to dance again.