empty places

my husband took down the last and final crib tonight. and the dresser that came 14 days before the triplets died is still sitting in the box in their room, that too will be going this week. my husband works with a guy that found out he and his girlfriend are having twins. they don't have a lot of money to get all the stuff they will need, so we decided we will give them ours. I can't use the triplet's furniture for future babies of ours. It doesn't feel right. every time i go upstairs i see the crib in the bedroom. i told my husband i need it out, i can't keep looking at it anymore. tonight i go upstairs to give my daughter a bath and my husband is taking the crib apart. i lose it. it's a lose lose situation. i can't stand to keep looking at the crib, but i can't stand for it to be gone either. it's final. they never came home. it's like they never were even in the picture when their room is finally taken completely down. one more hard day. sometimes it seems like the waves of grief hit me out of no where. the room will be empty this week. completely empty. my heart is feeling empty tonight. i snuggled my daughter closer. i held my husband longer. the holes in my heart are still there. i'm fighting to stay above the water. i'm fighting to fill my empty heart. God is right here with me fighting along side me to fill the empty places.