i feel like i've failed as a parent again. i was reading a blog of another mother who lost triplets, similar in fact that one of her children was not born alive, and the other two were. she was talking about taxes and how she claimed her two sons that were born alive that year, and how this year she had to remove them from the list and how hard that was.
months ago i wondered about this. NOT AT ALL for the dependent money thing, but because i wanted to claim them as my children. it was like reinforcing to "the world" that they lived, they were alive, they are my children. we didn't know the answer to that and assumed because they didn't get social security numbers that we weren't supposed to claim them. i didn't think any more of it...well, i did, but not aloud. i wanted so bad for there to be a way to claim them. claim....what a word.
v. to demand, ask for, or take as one's own or one's due;
a statement of something as a fact; an assertion of truth
i wanted to claim my children. i gave birth to them. they took breaths on this earth. they are mine. they deserve to be recognized. i should have claimed them. i should have pressed the issue further with my husband. i should have fought for them harder.
not claiming them, as silly as it may sound to anyone else, it's like i denied they were born. like i denied they are my children. denied the took breaths here on this earth.
i feel like i have failed them......again.
4 comments:
I am so sorry that my post has caused you more pain. I would never have known that we could include them if it wasn't for the hospital I delivered them in. After their birth, a grief counselor came to us. She gave us the options for how we could handle their bodies, and she also dealt with Roanin and Kade's birth and death certificates and social security cards. She let us know that we could claim them. I didn't claim them either for the money (although I can't deny that it helped us do another IVF round more quickly). I also felt like it was a way to acknowledge that they lived. I just wish I could have done it for all three. It is not too late for you to get social security cards and do an change to your taxes. I am only saying that because I want you to realize that the option is still open to you. Please don't think I feel that you will fail your children either way. You have not. Their lives have been claimed by you in countless ways. Their are so many people who know about their lives because of your words on this blog.
Heather, though I know I can't ever fully understand what you're feeling I've read your blog daily. Every thing you've said and done has done nothing but honor your precious babies. I can't even start to express how much I admire you and the strength that you have that God has given you.
connie, your post didn't cause me more pain. i just didn't know, and i wish the hosital was more helpful with this. it was bad enough that they didn't explain how to obtain their birth certificates. how does one push for better education about this? that shouldn't be something i think about. thank you for your post. i appreciate it. it's given me something positive to focus on for future parents who have to go through this loss.
I am so sorry your feeling sad, I know what regret feels like. I will say a special prayer for you today.Thanks for your honest heart in your post.
Post a Comment