Just a quickie...

The dr. called on Saturday morning and said that my levels are rising, but they aren't high enough yet. Which means I get to continue with the shots through Monday and go back for more blood work on Monday. Tuesday I will call the office at 9 and find out the next steps. Getting close. I can't wait to see what happens. The side effects have been really yucky as time goes on and my levels rise. I have been pretty nauseous, pretty intense headaches, and lots of bruises on my thigh. Good times. Oh please work!!! Until I get more news, that's all I got. I'm going to lay back down. Writing this has made me tired and sick again. blah...

New Decor

This is the newest addition to my bedroom decor. Please ignore the empty glass I fill with water each night, and the stack of papers and calendars that serve to remind me of what I need to do each day in this process. As of yesterday's dr appointment, my brain has officially been declared as broken in the area of communicating with my ovaries. Maybe they are in a fight. I don't care anymore. The only thing left for us to do right now is the injectable drugs. We got a lesson on how to administer them yesterday. I then went for blood work to check my estrogen levels. Today the dr has said they are good and to start administering the meds. So, starting this afternoon, and for the next 7 - 10 days, my husband will be poking me with needles. I'm a bit nervous. I don't do needles. I once had knee surgery, and for the dr's to get an IV in me, it took 3 nurses, the dr, and my mom and dad to hold me down. It was bad. And that was a simple IV. Good thing I was asleep for the ripping open of my knee and the sewing back up. I HATE needles, and I never say "hate"! I will do this though. The end result is what I've dreamt about for years and years.

The schedule goes something like this:

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday - poke, poke, poke, poke

Friday I will go get my blood drawn again to check my estrogen levels, and ovaries can be VERY sensitive to this medication, and it can cause problems if your levels get too high.

The dr will call me Saturday morning. Then depending on the level of estrogen in my system, we will either continue for the next 3 - 6 days with injections, and I am sure, at least one more blood draw.

So, that's my life right now. Still on a schedule, a very rigid, no room for error, consumes my every waking thought schedule. Last night, I was very upset at this outcome. I feel like in some way I've failed. I didn't want it to come to this, I know the risks and I didn't want to make the decisions that may follow. I know there are hundreds, no probably more like thousands of success stories with the use of these drugs, but why would anything be normal? It hasn't up to this point. My husband is my rock. He is always there to hold me, to pick up my pieces, and to encourage me that God is still with us. He is still walking through this with us, and has a plan to fulfill throughout this whole process. I love him. I am so glad he was diligent at pursuing me when I was so skeptical. Today, I have hope. We could be pregnant in 3 weeks. God has a plan. This I know, and what the enemy has planned for destruction, God can turn it around and plan for greatness. Now, on to the greatness!

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again...

And that's just what we are going to do. Our dr. appointment didn't go as hoped yesterday. When we got to the dr. she did an ultrasound, and in less than one minute she determined my ovaries were doing absolutely nothing. Our next step? We had a choice, more meds, or injectable drugs. Apparently, on the high doses of fertility drugs, my brain isn't telling my ovaries what they should be doing. We have one more dose to try, so we will get our next ultrasound on August 10th. We will then know if we either a) get the HCG shot and get inseminated, or b) start injectable drugs. We need to take a class next week informing us of the use and positive and negative aspects of using injectables. My dr said there should be NO problem with me getting pregnant on the injectables because it's medicine that goes right to my ovaries, and that way my brain won't be the one giving the signals (cause apparently it's confused right now). Why don't we go right to the injectables you may ask? Well, a couple of reasons. It's a big step. There are classes we need to take, a petition to our insurance company that has to take place, there is a VERY high risk that my ovaries will let out multiple eggs because of my age and the fact that I have PLENTY of eggs in my ovaries, and then there is the whole thing about 2 needles getting stuck in to me every day for up to 15 days each month until we become pregnant. If we do injectables, the normal dose is 150units, I will be getting 37.5. That's how risky it is for us to have multiples. While Anthony and I are fine if we have twins, any higher than that, there is a great risk of losing one or more babies. NOT something anyone wants to go through. We are really hoping maybe this last dosage of Clomid will work so we don't have to go the more risky route. So, we are faced with a lot of decisions in the near future, and a LOT of prayer. We believe God must have great plans for our child(ren) and our family if satan thinks this hard about hindering our plans of creating a family. If you read this, and you know the power of prayer, please be petitioning our GREAT GOD on our behalf. We would greatly appreciate it. For now though it's time to endure the side effects of this next dosage. It will all be worth it in the end, we know this for sure.

Testing, Needles, and syringes oh my!

Last Tuesday I went back to the Fertility Specialist for an "intense discussion" since all my test results had come back. I asked if we could discuss our plan of action over the phone (trying to avoid another copay!!!) but she said no. We needed to come in to the office for an "intense discussion". So we did. She took me to a room to see if we had become pregnant on our own in the last month, and the ultrasound showed my body was doing absolutely nothing. Yup, that's right, my body still hates me. So, she put me on a high dosage of Clomid, she thinks they were under dosing my body. On Friday the 31st, we will go to the dr for an ultrasound. If there is a follicle on my ovary I will get a HCG shot in my butt. Did I ever mention that I hate needles!? Like am deathly afraid of them!? IF all of this does go through, then Saturday morning we will go in and I will be inseminated. The dr seems to be optomistic, but I know not to get my hopes up by now. I just pray that God will touch my body and make it happen. This is all I can do. I'll update after Friday. Praying hard this week!

Sawdust

If you have been following, last Tuesday I had an endoscopy done to test to see if I had Celiacs. The dr stated to call on Monday or Tuesday for the results of the test. So, Tuesday morning I called the office where the secretary said the note in my file says that the results are still pending. She then stated that when the dr gets the results she will send a letter about them, she will not call. Ok, but why did she say to call for results then? Well, the secretary didn't know. So I assumed I wouldn't know results until at least next Monday if I needed to wait for my dr to read my results, write up a letter, AND send it snail mail to my house. I thought this was the 21st century and telephones were invented?! To my surprise, while laying on the couch resting with my husband yesterday evening, I got a phone call from...surprise!...my dr. She said that the results were in and I needed to start the gluten-free diet, and by gluten-free, strictly gluten-free. She said I could come in and talk to her about the diet if I wanted, and I declined. No thanks, I don't need to pay ANOTHER copay for her to tell me what I already know about my new diet. So, I decided I would start Saturday since I really NEED to go to Delmonico's one last time and Friday night is the only time we have free to do that. Unfortunately, my niece's birthday is Saturday and that means no cake for me!

SO, if anyone out there has great gluten-free recipes, please let me know. I'm open to anything. My mother has celiacs, so she has a lot too, but I wouldn't mind some fresh, new, fun recipes!

Out with the old...In with the new!

Today, my husband and I went to go pick up my new car. We have been looking for about a year for a new car. I had a few prerequisites, but wasn't really that picky. Anthony, on the other hand, is pretty picky with cars. We wanted a car with a bigger back seat, was newer, less miles, and I needed leather seats. The dog hair on the cloth seats was driving me CRAZY, and I was tired of my "ghetto" back seat covered in sheets to try to keep the hair on the seats to the minimum. Finally, we found it! It was in Canandaigua, but we didn't care. We took a drive out last weekend and looked at it, and decided we would get it. Not only did it fit my prerequisites, but it has some pretty sweet bonus features. It is silver, with dark gray leather seats, a 6 disk cd changer, power locks and windows (yes, that's right, my last car did NOT have power windows OR locks), heated seats, and a sun roof! I was so excited about this car, I couldn't even wait to pick it up. We got home and my husband waxed and dolled it up some more, and all I wanted to do was drive it! Here are some pics of my new car:

Goodbye Cavalier....you treated me well! Be good to your new owners!

Copays

**warning** This post is going to make me a little vulnerable, but let's get real. After all, that's what this blog is supposed to be for me...making it so I am no longer reticent about life. It also will be a bit long, a LOT of stuff going on here.

Life around our house lately has been pretty busy. Co-pays are the recurring theme. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for about 9 months. Unfortunately, I don't ovulate. THIS makes it a little difficult to be able to make a baby. Because of this reason, they don't wait the magical "one year" to be aggressive with trying to conceive. Apparently, if you are trying to conceive for a year or more and are unsuccessful, the dr's label you as infertile. Well, my dr's labeled me infertile off the bat. I haven't ovulated since I was like 16 years old. No one could ever give me a reason though, no one ever tried to find a reason either. My dr. put me on Clomid after the 1st of the year. We went through 3 cycles of Clomid, slowly increasing dosage each time. Nothing. My ovaries didn't even try to pretend they were going to cooperate. The 4th round was prefaced with a drug called Metformin, which coupled with Clomid, is supposed to jump start my ovaries. Yeah, guess what? MY ovaries hate me. They didn't want anything to do with it, they didn't even bat an eyelash (that is, IF they had eyelashes!) So this is when my dr was out of options and sent us to the fertility specialist. Well, that is where things got a little crazy. Hang in there, if you are still with me, this may be a really long post....The fertility dr asks a million questions, and takes into account every single disease or illness in your family...EVER. My mother has Celiac's disease. It's a disease where your body can't break down gluten, therefore you do not get the appropriate nutrients you need, and have to be on a gross, nasty, sawdust tasting, gluten free diet. Apparently, my dr took one look at me and since my only symptom is infertility (yup, a symptom of celiac's is infertility...weird), she thinks that I have it. So after checking my ovaries and finding that I do in fact have LOTS of eggs (thanks guys, now HAND THEM OVER!!!), we moved on in the testing. I went downstairs for blood tests where they proceeded to take 14 viles of blood. Yes, I almost died that day, thanks for caring. My dr called me back and said she wasn't surprised, and I shouldn't be either, but my blood test came back positive. Well, actually doc, I AM surprised, since I was praying that I did NOT have this awful, nasty, disgusting diet of a disease. Meanwhile, I made an appointment with the gastrointestinal specialist since they don't think blood tests are as accurate as the biopsy would be. Their first appointment wasn't until the middle of July. Well, waiting...yeah, we are done with that. We would have to wait til all of this information is gathered before we would even get to meet with the fertility dr again to discuss our plan of action. At the rate we were going, it would be another 9 months! So, Anthony and I prayed there would be a cancelation, and THERE WAS! I got an appointment for that next week! After meeting with this dr, she decided the biopsy was definately necessary and we scheduled it. The first opening was for August 4th. I was frustrated! It was only June 25th. Again, Anthony and I prayed there would be a cancelation, and I got a call back that afternoon! They had a cancelation for June 30th, less than a week away from that date! So excited (weird to be for a procedure like that), but any outcome would be bittersweet. Which brings us up to date. My endoscopy (biopsy of my small intestine) was done yesterday. I should have results by Monday or Tuesday. If it's Celiac's, nasty diet, but could be easy to get pregnant. If it's not Celiac's, great food, but still no answers to why my ovaries hate me. Now, I have one test left, scheduled for next Thursday. This one is a little scary. They inject dye into my uterus with a monstrous needle and then take an xray of my uterus and fallopian tubes to see if there are any blockages. I am so afraid it will hurt. A large needle, and THAT area, not two things I would put together voluntarily. Very nervous, and scared about this test. So if you are still with me, could you please pray it goes well, and is pain free? I would really covet your prayers!

Alright, I think I'm done for now. Got a lot going on in the next week, and hopefully getting some much needed answers. God is good. I just have to remember that His plan is better than mine, and all things work together for His glory. God, let me give you glory in all this. Amen!