Complete

Everyone is guilty of it. Everyone has said at one time or another

"life would be complete if...."

"my family would be complete if...."

"my job would be complete if...."

I am guilty of it.

Recently, I have even started thinking about how my family will never be complete again on this side of heaven. We will never be whole on this earth, there will always be 6 of our children missing (yes, I know I always talk about the triplets, but let's not forget the 3 we lost in the first 9 weeks).

Lately, I can't get the babies out of my head. Especially, the triplets. Let's face it, I knew them more than I did the other 3, I spent more time with them, I learned their personalities, I met them, held them, kissed them, listened to and felt their hearts beating. I am talking about all 6 of them in this post, even if I refer to the triplets more.

I sit at work thinking about them all day.

I go home and think about them, talk about them, show my daughter pictures of them.

I go to bed thinking of them.

I wake up thinking of them.

Is there a moment you don't think about your children? I haven't accomplished that. Even before they were in our family, I did this with my daughter Claire. I love them all with a deep love that I can't put into words, that moves me to tears.

Enough of that bunny trail. As I was saying, on my way to work the other morning I was listening to a radio station that plays Christmas music. I can't seem to remember to ever put my Christmas CD's in my car, so I'm stuck with the crappy music on the radio. A song came on, by Mariah Carey. "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)". The lyrics are as follows:

(Christmas)
The snow's coming down
(Christmas)
I'm watching it fall
(Christmas)
Lots of people around
(Christmas)
Baby please come home

(Christmas)
The church bells in town
(Christmas)
All ringing in song
(Christmas)
Full of happy sounds
(Christmas)
Baby please come home

They're singing "Deck the Halls"
But it's not like Christmas at all
Cause I remember when you were here
And all the fun we had last year

(Christmas)
Pretty lights on the tree
(Christmas)
I'm watching them shine
(Christmas)
You should be here with me
(Christmas)
Baby please come home

They're singing "Deck the Halls"
But it's not like Christmas at all
Cause I remember when you were here
And all the fun we had last year

(Christmas)
If there was a way
(Christmas)
I'd hold back this tear
(Christmas)
But it's Christmas day
(Please)
Please
(Please)
Please
(Please)
Please
(Please)
Please
Baby please come home
(Christmas)
Baby please come home

If you know me, lyrics always resonate with me. I listen to them, and sometimes they speak volumes to me, and sometimes I question who the heck wrote that and is making money from those lyrics!? This song spoke to me. Of course I want my babies home with me for Christmas, for EVERY day. So I got to thinking about how I will never have a "complete" Christmas. It didn't take long though for God to speak directly into my heart.

"Complete"....is any Christmas ever complete on this side of heaven? The Son of God was born, lived a life of persecution and abandon, and was crucified so that one day we COULD have a "complete" Christmas. We can never be complete until the day we are reunited to live with our Creator, our Savior, our King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Scripture talks about how we won't be finished masterpieces until that day comes....so why all this talk about being "complete" on this side of heaven? How silly of me. Of course it doesn't make me miss my children any less, but it does make me pause every time I start to think that life would be "complete" with them living here with us. It just can't be. Not yet.

How I long for that day! I have always been a disciple of Christ living life on earth and when Jesus returns, He returns. No biggie. Heaven will come some day. Of course I would love suffering and pain to cease, but when Jesus returns all will be well. Not anymore. I know I can't wish this life away, and believe me, it's a job in itself to not do that now, but I am more "Kingdom minded" now than ever before. I thirst to know more about heaven, to know more about what the end times will look like, to know more about how we will exist in heaven, souls, bodies, minds....what was meant for earth and what was meant for the New Earth. My heart stops when I hear sermons about heaven....I turn the t.v or radio up, I listen more intently. I read more about it. I study it. I want to be "complete". I want my "complete" family.

All that to say, life will never be "complete" on this earth. Not until Jesus returns and the New Earth begins. Until then, I have to remember, there is no place better, safer, lovelier for my 6 children than where they are right now. I long to be there, and know one day I will. I know my savior, and I know His promises to me as a child of the King. I can't wait!