x Three

it hurts. my heart. my mind. i never thought this would be in my life story. some may not agree, but miscarrying the first 3 of the sextuplets, and then losing these last 3 at birth, it's a completely different loss. we mourned the 3 we never met. we were ok though. i can't explain it with words. it's just a different type of loss. they weren't any less of our children than claire, nathan, malia or anthony jr. but i had over 5 months learning and getting to know the triplets. i knew their personalities, i have many, MANY ultrasound pics of them, video of them. we met them face to face, we saw malia and anthony jr take breaths, we held them in our arms, we kissed their faces. we planned to bring them home. we set up their room. we got them clothes. we named them. i am constantly thinking about my babies. we talk to claire about her brothers and sister everyday as well. how well they would have played together, what they would of fought about, how much she would have loved them. she agrees. she points to the self built upstairs between their bedrooms where their urns rest. i used to dream of when they were older and could sit in their closets and tap secret codes to each other through the wall, like my brother and i used to do when we were little. we were only 20 months apart. claire would have only been at most 18 months older than her siblings. now i think about how she will never know them on this earth. she will never play with them, grow up with them, teach them new things. that makes me sad for her. i pray she will have other siblings one day, God willing. she is a great big sister already, and doesn't even know it. it hurts, physically hurts. some days i don't know how i can do it. how i can mourn them, but "carry on with life". how i can pay attention to claire and love on her, but cry inside all day. i do it though. 3 weeks now. just when i think it's going to get easier, i crumble. i crawl into my husbands arms and he reassures me, we have eternity with them. i read someone say they lost their baby hours after giving birth, and they miss them everyday, but they will have an eternity to catch up with them, to hold them. i have to remind myself, this life on earth, is but a blink of an eye. eternity, that is our goal. that is eternity! i will have eternity with nathan, malia and anthony jr. i can't wait. though i want to enjoy every breath and every moment with my husband and my daughter. it's a tug of war with my heart. i'm not whole. there is a void in my heart right now. while i will ALWAYS miss my children that have gone before me to be with the Lord, i pray that void fills with a joy unspeakable. i pray each day does get easier. life has to go on. though life now is vastly different from what it was just 3 short weeks ago. i am a changed person. my emotions have changed, my dreams have changed, my personality has changed, everything about me is now changed x 3.

Loss

it's hard to read my last post. we had so much hope for Malia and Anthony and Nathan. We thought of the possibility of coming home with only 2, but never in our wildest dreams did we imagine that we wouldn't come home with any of our babies. Saturday, August 27th, around 12:30pm I went to shower after putting Claire down for her nap with my husband. He was about to leave to run some errands, and as I looked down I saw an umbilical cord. I screamed. I ran to the stairs to call for Anthony, hoping he hadn't left yet, and he came running and immediately called 911. They were here within a few minutes, and quickly took me to Strong. My regular Ob was on call, what a relief it was to see her. I knew it was bad news, but I never thought of how bad until about a 1/2 hr later. Baby A was no longer alive. The pressure on the cord had cut off the blood flow. Hideous noises came out of me and my husband as we cried, screamed, and I kept repeating "oh God, please no!". I had a really high fever, the cord could not be put back through my cervix. The bacteria had a roadway to walk right up into my uterus. With Baby A deceased, he/she had no immune system to fight the bacteria off, so it would just keep growing, therefore, infecting Malia and Anthony Jr. Time was ticking. We could wait and see how bad the infection would get, but with it attacking Baby A, who had no immune system, it wasn't going anywhere. The longer we waited the riskier it got for me. The dr. came in explaining that it would most likely turn septic, and then would be a high risk of me dying as well as all 3 babies. My blood pressure was pretty low, and my fever was coming and going, each time getting a little higher. The only way to rid my body of the infection is to give birth to Baby A. Giving birth to Baby A would mean more than likely giving birth to Malia and Anthony as well. At just under 22 weeks pregnant, the dr said there wasn't a chance for Malia and Anthony to make it. There was too much that hadn't had time to develop yet. We took a little while to talk it over and we prayed and the decision was clear to us. We didn't have much time to wait, we needed to get this infection out of my body, and hope my cervix would just close up after giving birth to Baby A. Anthony ran home to get our stuff, take a shower, and see Claire before we started to induction and the longest day of our lives. He returned around 7pm and the dr. inserted the Cervital. My contractions were inconsistent and not very strong, we tried to get some sleep, but that was not happening. I took some pain medicine orally, and it worked enough for me to sleep about an hour. After that, they put a pain killer into my IV to see if that would ease any of the contractions, but it didn't work. I didn't want to get an epidural. I wanted to feel as much as I could without being so overwhelmed with the pain. Hours and hours went by. It was dawn, and the contractions were about every 30 seconds and pretty intense. I tried to wait a while longer. Around 7:15 Sunday August 28th, the nurse came in to give me a different drug through my IV, but before she did, the dr. checked and said I was ready to push. This was really real. I was really about to give birth to my first triplet, Baby A, who was already dead. After screaming out and crying, I reluctantly pushed. Baby A came right out. "It's a boy" the dr said. I cried even harder. Nathan Richard was born, my baby boy, my dream, came at 7:26am. Weighing in at 11 oz, measuring only 9.5 in long. They put him on the end of my bed, and not more than seconds later, Malia's, Baby B's, sac burst. I knew my cervix wouldn't close and I had to deliver her. Only took a few pushes and Malia was born at 7:32am. Weighing in at 14.25 oz, and measuring only 10 in long. Then I could feel Anthony Jr coming. I thought, "oh no, we are going to lose all 3 babies!". After many pushes, and excruciating pain, Anthony Jr's, Baby C's sac wouldn't rupture. I was ready to pass out, the pain was shooting down my legs, and I couldn't catch my breath. Finally, my dr. decided to rupture the sac and it was so tense it burst with such force. A few more pushes and Anthony Jr was born at 7:46am. Weighing in at 1 lb 2 oz, and measuring at 10.5 in. Both Malia and Anthony Jr were born alive. They brought them to me and Anthony Sr and I held them so close. We sobbed. Malia and Anthony Jr. took a few random "breaths". Their hearts still beating, but very weak. We held them and cried for what seemed like only minutes, but was actually over an hour. The nurse came in to weigh the babies, dress them, wrap them up, and at that time, they were pronounced dead. It was like an out of body experience. I couldn't focus. I couldn't let them go. I couldn't believe this was all happening to us. We didn't understand. We knew they were healed and whole. New, working, beautiful bodies. We knew we would be able to be with them again someday, but that didn't ease my heart at that moment. It does now, but at that moment, I couldn't stop sobbing. The staff was incredible. They were so kind, gentle, loving. They cried with us. They respected us. Things were getting serious again though because my placenta's wouldn't detach, and after many, many tried, the cords came apart from the placenta's, still inside of me. The infection, therefore, was still inside of me. They tried everything to do from the room so I didn't have to leave the babies. I had been given 12mg of morphine, apparently, that is over a single dose, and as high as they could go. They tried to remove the placenta's. It was too painful. They said they didn't have any other option but surgery. They took me right away. Anthony Sr went as far as they let him. They put me under and removed the placenta's. Apparently, the infection made them harden and they struggled even surgically to remove them. I lost a lot of blood. I woke and was so nauseous and dizzy. After a short time I was brought to my room and back with my husband and the triplets. I couldn't put them down. I couldn't bring myself to let them go. We said what we thought were our final goodbyes, and Anthony Sr went home to pick up my daughter Claire. I hadn't seen her in over 24 hrs. It's the longest I have ever gone without seeing her. It was terrible feeling. When he returned my daughter brought tears to my eyes. She hugged and kissed me, played around the room and just brought hope, life, joy, to our lives for those moments. Everything changed for us that day. Priorities, dreams, our future. Nothing would ever be the same again. Not sure how to manage that, how to cope with that...even still, but learning. That night I felt like our babies were not sent to the funeral home yet like we were under the assumption. So I called the nurse to see if they were still at the hospital, and if they were if I could have them back. They brought them back and it felt so good. We held them and whispered to them. We kissed and hugged them. We took lots of pictures, and placed them in their layette for the night. Anthony Sr and I were exhausted. We slept a few hours that night, through many doses of antibiotics, many stat takings, blood draws, etc. Finally, it was morning and we wanted to make sure our babies were going to the funeral home when we left so we wouldn't be leaving them behind at the hospital. I was released after more tests showed my infection was down. My blood count was way down too, so I was put on iron and told I could go home. We left around 11:30 Monday morning. No babies. Just us. It was the hardest drive home ever. I never imagined I would come home empty handed. No longer pregnant. My dreams changed. My future altered. My life....totally turned upside down. We have hope. We know that God has a purpose and a plan for this. We accept that. It's hard, don't get me wrong. I get angry at the drop of a hat, but deep down I know....God knows. They are healthy, happy, beautiful. We dedicated them to the Lord the day we found out we were pregnant. We agreed they weren't ours, they were gifts given by God. That helps to know as well. They were never ours. They have always belonged to Jesus. Life now...forever changed...never going to look the way we thought. Each and every moment we cherish. We are so blessed to have the family we do have. My heart still aches, my arms still ache to hold them again, my lips still ache to kiss their cheeks and lips again. I know life will move forward, different, but forward.

too much

I have not been on here is so very long. I know this. I don't have the words to say, neither do I have the time to "write" them all down. It's been a VERY busy, crazy, stressful, joyful, sorrowful past 4 months. We had a successful fertility round that last round in April. We had an IUI done on April 11th 2011. We found out 2 weeks later, on Easter Sunday, we were in fact pregnant! We were so excited! The line was so bright. With Claire, it was dull. I told Anthony, "I bet we are pregnant with triplets!".....half joking. We had a dr appt about 3 weeks later, and at 7 weeks pregnant, saw not 1, not 2, not 3 babies, but 6! We were pregnant with 6 babies! One of them was very small, and did not have a heartbeat. That baby did not make it very far along. So here we are pregnant with 5 live, beautiful, wonderful lives. We were in shock. I couldn't stop crying. Two of the babies were very strong and doing great, three of them had weaker heartbeats, and were a bit smaller. We went right to the elders at our church for prayer. We wanted all 5 of these babies to make it. To be healthy! The following week we went to the dr to find we were only with 4 babies. We were upset, but we had complete peace. It was actually weird to not mourn that life like I thought I would. The following week, at 10 weeks pregnant we found that we were pregnant with only 3 babies now. We were so upset. We felt like for some reason, each week we were getting a baby taken from us. We had an appointment with a high risk OB because of the multiples that week. We made them do an ultrasound because we felt like we would lose another since that seemed to be the trend, but in fact, we still had all 3 babies, strong and healthy. We were so excited! Baby A was smaller, Baby B was measuring right on time, and Baby C measured almost 2 weeks bigger! Right from the start we kidded that Baby C was a boy because he was so big. The dr said that we were doing so well, and the babies were doing so well that he didn't need to see us for 4 weeks. We were ecstatic! We were on cloud 9! I couldn't believe that when I said we were pregnant and going to have triplets, that we actually would end up being pregnant with triplets. Our daughter Claire would always hug and kiss my belly. We told her her brother's and sister's were in there. She is the sweetest little girl ever. We love her with all our being! We couldn't imagine having anymore love for anymore children, and yet we do already. The week of our appointment came. We were going to see the dr on Friday of that week, we would have been almost 15 weeks pregnant by then. Tuesday of that week, I was putting my daughter back down after she woke up upset. My husband was working nights, and as I bent over the side of the crib to pick up my daughter, I thought I peed my pants. It was so odd. I didn't feel the urge to pee. I didn't think I had to go, but I thought, I've peed my pants before (let's be honest ladies, you have a child and bladder control isn't your top talent anymore!!!). I left my screaming daughter to quickly run to the bathroom. I cleaned myself up, changed, cleaned the carpet, resumed rocking my daughter, and put her down. I called my husband because I thought how odd it was, and he asked if I was sure it was pee. "What do you mean? Of COURSE it was. What else could it be???" Then I worried. Could my water have really broke at 14 weeks pregnant? I doubted it. I went to bed that night, after my husband and I prayed everything was ok. Wednesday morning I woke up and felt like I needed to call my dr to make sure. They wanted to see me right away. My dr wasn't in though. I saw a different high risk dr, he did the litmus test, and it was negative. He said it was common with multiples to pee and not feel like you have to go because of all the pressure on your bladder. We left so happy, so relieved. That Friday we went for our regular appointment. They did an ultrasound. Our worst fear confirmed, my water did break. Baby A had no fluid, none, in his/her sac. No explanation why. It happens the dr said. We may never know. There could have been an infection, something wrong with the baby, the placenta, me....I had a bladder infection a week earlier, was it that? I blame that. I don't know for sure though. Why did I have to get a bladder infection while pregnant? Why did that have to jeopardize my baby's life? It's hard not to place blame on something, someone. I was immediately put on restrictions. No lifting. No walking much farther than around my house, no heavy housework, etc. The dr was quickly monitoring me for infection and if my cervix would start to dilate. Two very bad things that would make it so all 3 of the babies wouldn't make it. We were given the choice to terminate Baby A. We absolutely stood against that. God could still do a miracle. We wanted to wait and see. We called my mother who was in VA at the time, and she came home and has been living with us since. We started doing ultrasounds every week. Baby A wasn't growing much at all, no fluid was returning to the sac. I was constantly leaking fluid. We found out Baby B is a girl. Baby C is a boy. They couldn't tell Baby A without fluid and being so cramped, his/her legs are tight together and tucked under his/her bottom. At 17 weeks after no change, we started doing ultrasounds every 2 weeks. Baby A was growing, but not much. Baby B and C were doing great. Heartbeats on all 3 were always strong. This past week, at 21 weeks, we were given the least amount of hope by the dr. Baby A is in less than the 10th percentile for weight. Not growing much at all. The dr says it could be because of no fluid that measurements are off, but he is counting on Baby A not making it. We have to make an appointment with the NICU to discuss the measures we will take to save Baby A's life. To make sure dr's and nurses and my husband and I are all on the same page. Scary stuff. Stuff I NEVER imagined I would have to talk about, let alone go through. We are taking things one day at a time. Praying we make it to 24 weeks with no complications. The dr won't let us go past 37 weeks. We will have these babies no later than December 12th, most likely, before that is what the dr thinks. I'm scared. My husband has been my rock. He's been there to encourage me, to lift me up, to be there for me. He reminds me of the God we serve, and the miracles He can do. I can't get past the thought of losing one of my babies. Another one. Yet again. I went from 7 children total, to 4, possibly only 3. How does that happen? I can't understand it. I am still working, it helps to not sit around and do nothing and just think about this. Dr says it's not harming me or the babies, so I can keep working if I want. I definitely want! It's been so hard to enjoy this pregnancy with all the possible outcomes that could happen. We try to rejoice in how great Baby B and Baby C are doing, but at the same time it's hard when we are disappointed and devastated week after week with the news of Baby A. We struggle with that each time we go to the dr. I have been able to feel all 3 of the babies move. We see them all move each ultrasound. Baby A is definitely not counted out yet. We named the babies. Baby A will be Nathan Richard, or Natalie Jane, depending on the sex. Baby B will be Malia Elizabeth. Baby C will be Anthony Thomas Jr. We have worked on the nursery, and we are planning on coming home from the hospital with all 3 of our babies. It's hard to keep the faith and wait for answers. I am a planner. So is my husband. God is showing us new things every day with our daughter Claire, and these 3. I don't trust nearly enough. I am working on that. That's our current situation. If you would hold our family up in prayer. I will try to update as I can. Working, taking care of my baby girl, and baking these 3 babies is a lot of work, so when I finally sit down at night, it's off to dreamland for me. So all I can do is say I will try. :o)

Shift

There has been a lot of "shifts" in my life lately, metaphorically, and literally.

The weather is beginning to change. It's getting more mild out, the sun has been shining almost every day for a week. That makes me happy. That makes my family happy. We like to be outside, and we can't wait to see how much Claire enjoys it too. So far, she LOVES walks, giggling the first half of it. She has never seen spring before. It's amazing to watch through her eyes as she sees trees with leaves blooming, green and bright. She sees flowers popping up, and I can't help but wonder what she must be thinking. We didn't spend much time outside last summer. It was too much for Claire, she was too little, and EVERYTHING made her unhappy. I can't wait to see her crawl around in the backyard, or who knows, maybe even toddle by that time (though I doubt it, she really is kinda lazy)! :o) This is a shift that is easy, that I look forward to, that is beautiful and awe-inspiring.

Another shift is one in my family. As per my last post, we are attempting to add to our family. So far, we have not been successful. There are a few more drugs I can attempt before there are just no other options but IVF, or keeping our family just the way it is. I'm on the fence how I feel about IVF. I never thought about it in depth before. I always thought that if that was the only way, and we could ever afford it, we would do it. The end. NOT the end. I sat with my dr and talked in length on Friday about how they did everything and what the exact process was. It's scary. Coming from the ethical view that my husband and I come from, a baby begins the minute the egg and sperm meet and the cells start multiplying. If they have, say, 6 successful "embryos" (babies), and they implant 2, then those 2 (though greater possibility of just the 1) grow and are successful in the womb, what do you do with the other 4 "embryos" (babies) sitting at the dr's office waiting for their turn at life? I can't throw them away, I can't let anything happen to them. I also can't have 6 more children. Hard to follow? Try working it out in my head! It's spinning. What's the right thing to do for our family? I know plenty of people who have had IVF, either successfully or not. I never once thought about it the way I have since Friday morning. Is that something I can take on emotionally? Physically? That is going to take a lot of prayer if that is the road we decide we need to take. I'm the first to admit that my emotions aren't even keel on all these hormones, and having a high-maintenance infant, and a husband who doesn't always understand makes me stressed more than I know I need to be. My husband works so hard at making me feel loved and tries to take as much on with the baby as he possibly can without falling behind in his other "house duties". I have a pretty wonderful husband if I do say so myself! He'll never fully understand everything I feel because he's not me. He's not a woman, and wasn't created to feel the way I feel. It's hard to remember that in the middle of your emotion though. I have always dreamt of a large family. That is a dream I may have to put to rest though. This is a shift I am not looking forward to. It's a shift I know will be difficult on the heart and on the body. I know it will be difficult for my family as well, whatever we decide.

The last shift that has been going on in my life has been happening over the past year. It's one that has stretched my heart, hurt my heart, and taught me a few "life lessons". In fact, it's still teaching me things every day. That is a shift in my friends. Some people have friends they stick with through all the years. They may add to them, but never take away. I thought that is the way I would be. I have always been a loyal person. If you are a friend of mine, I would do anything for you. You need me at 2am, I'm there. You are having a difficult day, I pick up as much as I can to make it lighter. I stand in defense of your heart, guarding anything that may come to hurt or destroy it. I have learned over the last year though that I give a whole lot more into some friendships than I receive, and it leaves me empty. I decided recently that I'm done. I will see who still stands with me after I step back. I can't stretch myself as thin as I have in the years past and not be filled back up by those friendships. I will have nothing left to give to those who put back into my life. Sometimes, less really is more. It has been a hard choice to make because some of those friends have been the best that I've had. Life has shifted though. It's time I stopped fighting the shift, and see the new things God will do in friendships in my life now. I need people to take care of my heart as much as I take care of theirs. To care about my daughter, almost as much as I do. To stand up for the This is a shift I'm undecided on how I feel about it. One minute I'm excited about it, and the next, I mourn the loss of some friendships I've had for years. I did all I could though, it's out of my hands.
And on a side note, I'd like to thank all of those friends who call, text, fb, email, etc me each day checking on how I'm doing throughout this whole process of fertility. It really means the world to my heart.

With a lot of prayer, I enter this season of SHIFTS in my life. Can't wait to see what's on the other side!

My Claire

On the night you were born,

The moon smiled with such wonder

That the stars peeked in to see you

And the night wind whispered,

"Life will never be the same."

Because there had never been anyone like you....ever in the world.

So enchanted with you were the wind and the rain

That they whispered the sound of your wonderful name.

It sailed through the farmland

High on the breeze...over the ocean...and through the trees...

Until everyone heard it and everyone knew

Of the one and only ever you.

Not once had there been such eyes,

Such a nose, such silly, wiggly, wonderful toes.

When the polar bears heard, they danced until dawn.

From faraway places the geese flew home.

The Moon stayed up until morning next day.

And none of the ladybugs flew away.

So whenever you doubt just how special you are

And you wonder who loves you, how much and how far,

Listen for geese honking high in the sky.

(They are singing a song to remember you by.)

Or notice the bears asleep at the zoo.

(It's because they've been dancing all night for you!)

Or drift off to sleep to the sound of the wind.

(Listen closely...it's whispering your name again!)

If the moon stays up until morning one day,

Or a ladybug lands and decides to stay,

Or a little bird sits at your window awhile,

It's because they're all hoping to see you smile...

For never before in story or rhyme

(Not even once upon a time)

Has the world every known a you, my friend,

And it never will, not ever again...

Heaven blew every trumpet

And played every horn

On the wonderful, marvelous

Night you were born.

(From the book "On the Night You Were Born")

Couldn't have written truer words myself. Wow. How I have enjoyed every second of every day. From the time you were conceived until this very second today. Happy 10 months Claire. It's going by way too fast for me!

Life

Lately, it's been so chaotic each day blends into the last. So much has been going on and I have been under so much stress lately, that I don't know which end is up most days. We were going to keep it on the DL when we were going to start fertility drugs again to try to conceive our next child. We wanted to start trying when Claire was 6 months old, which put us at the beginning of December. I weaned Claire off nursing, and cried the entire time. I literally enjoyed every second of nursing her, and wish I could still be nursing! We started in December and our dr jumped right in with the shots, not wasting any precious time. That cycle lasted almost 2 months. Shots every single day, blood work every couple of days, and ultrasounds to check on my ovaries in between. Nothing good was happening. I had hundreds of thousands of follicles growing at the same rate. Our dr called in another dr to confer that it was just too dangerous for us to go on. We had to abandon that cycle. Needles and bruises, and emotional roller coasters for nothing. It was upsetting, to say the least. I cried, Anthony was my rock. "In perfect timing" he kept reminding me. "God doesn't want our child to be friends with the children that would have been born at that time" he jested. Always faithful, never wavering. I, on the other hand, shook my fist at God. "Why does it have to be such an ordeal?", "Why can't we just get pregnant like normal people?". My faith wavered. My body took a couple weeks off from all the drugs and shots, and we started again at the middle of February. Shots every single day, blood work every couple of days and ultrasounds in between. Again, hundreds of thousands of follicles growing. "Way too dangerous" the dr's kept saying. They didn't want to risk it, and frankly, neither did I. The dr began to talk about if I lived in states like Massachusetts, Connecticut, Maine, IVF would be paid for through insurance because of the difficult case that I am, but in New York, no. You had to come up with the money on your own. It's about $10,000. I left the office alone, and in tears. My faith was crushed, my hope was crushed, my dreams of a big family flew away quicker than I could grab them and pull them back in. I called Anthony at work and could barely get the words out. He still was a rock. Firmly believing that God would give us our dream in His perfect time. We were leaving for vacation 3 days later. A much needed time away from our "reality" at this point. I wanted a break from the shots, I wanted a break from the disappointment, the trying to put on a happy front when I was crushed and defeated inside. I pray everyday for my ovaries to work the way God created ovaries to work, that my body would fall into line with being fruitful and multiplying, and every day was moving me further from that I felt. My dr called me while I was on vacation. She wanted to encourage me (I LOVE my dr), and tell me that there was still hope. That it was a matter of perseverance, and not an "if", but a "when" this will all happen. We would switch to a new drug and try again when I returned home. I had a week to regroup, to pray, to renew my strength emotionally to go after this another time. I actually didn't think about it again while on vacation. I enjoyed every waking moment with my daughter, watching her break through 3 teeth, stand on her own for a few seconds, crawl at rates faster than the speed of light, play with her cousins with such a glow of joy on her face, and learn to say mama. She had the stomach bug through this all. She was smiles and squeals of joy when she wasn't getting sick. She is our little miracle, and we realize it more and more as each day goes by. We returned home Friday afternoon. It was literally the craziest day ever (a blog all in it's own right!). We talked to the dr and started our new meds yesterday. This will be round 3, and we are praying for success. I would like to say my faith won't waiver. I am working on that. I would like to say this drug will work, only God knows that. I would like to say that my infertility would go away and I could "accidentally" get pregnant ( I HATE when people say they were surprised, or it was an accident!!!), only God knows that as well. One day I pray that I wake up, no trying was involved, no shots, no drugs, no blood work, no needles, and I take a pregnancy test and it's positive. I am still holding out hope for that day. I would be lying if I said that the needles didn't hurt, that my thigh isn't a wonderful array of blues and yellows and greens, that match my arm as well. It's not fun, exciting, interesting, or wonderful to get these shots. It's scary, painful, nerve-wrecking, and emotionally draining. I say all this, take it off the DL, because we need prayer.

"Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I will be also" Matt. 18:20

The more prayers the better. Couldn't hurt right?

To Which I Admit I'm a Terrible Blogger...

I. Am. A. Terrible. Blogger.

I had every intention of blogging every month with cutsie updates about my daughter and my family, pictures and stories included. That didn't happen. It took me almost 3 months just to post my daughter's birth story! My daughter is now on the cusp of turning 8 months old and I have barely blogged anything about her life. Let's just say it's been an interesting 8 months. We've had the most fussy baby I have ever seen come into our lives this past May, and for those of you who may feel the urge to argue about that, just keep in mind that I have "raised" many babies....probably somewhere in the close-to-a-hundred range. Her cuteness factor has definitely been her saving grace! I will do a quick recap of the last 8 months and let's just be honest, in looking back now, it has been a VERY quick 8 months!

Month One: a blur. nonstop crying. constant dr appointments, tests and more tests. sleeping 3 -4 hour stretches, napping only on mommy. LOVES her baths. severe acid reflux diagnosis after upper GI done. started on medicine. STARTED CEREAL!!!

Month Two: short breaks in the crying. still having dr appointments to try to figure out if any allergies. dr makes personal calls to check to see how we are doing (that when you know you have a pretty difficult baby!) still on medicine. started taking her out of the house. still sleeping in 3 - 4 hour stretches. have on a schedule and seems to be helping. still really only napping on mommy. first day at daycare (well, in office with mommy)

Month Three: will the crying ever end!? growing off the charts! bigger than most babies older than her. still on same schedule. deciding that daycare wasn't for her just yet. celebrating new family members, and saying goodbye to them. tough month in our family. still no answers to the incessant crying.

Month Four: first airplane ride (did beautiful). first trip to the Gulf of Mexico! first family vacation! naps are short and sweet. still up MANY times in the night. starting to fuss a little less and play a little more. first explosive diaper. lots of smiling and talking. does NOT like long car rides! started on baby food. LOVES all things that have to do with eating!


Month Five: rolling over like it's her job. finally able to do tummy time without constant puking. much easier to go out in public. LOVES to people watch. first of many fun fall activities, pumpkin patches, hayrides, sightseeing the beautiful autumn change around the area. doing well on the meds, thinking acid reflux may be gone...super exciting! got her first 2 teeth at the same time!

Month Six: fussy baby no more! unfortunately meds needed to be increased and a second added from her growth. off the charts on height. weight in the 90th percentiles. first Thanksgiving. starting to prefer mommy when strangers come around. male figures make her VERY nervous and break out in crying hysterics if they try to come near her (other than her beloved daddy!) started on finger type foods like puffs and rice cookies. has tried every vegetable possible, and only a few fruits (since mommy is allergic to so many). tried turkey for the first time. does "push ups" trying to crawl.

Month Seven: gets on hands and knees and rocks back and forth. so close to crawling, but just doesn't get it yet. first Christmas. LOVES her toys. plays by herself for 10 - 15 min increments. loves her daddy more than anything. doesn't like strangers AT ALL. cries when mommy or daddy leave the room. realizes when we take something away from her that she can look for it and it hasn't disappeared. all over the place by rolling and scootching. laughs at mommy when i I try to scold her or tell her "no". takes daddy very seriously when he tells her "no". still not sleeping through the night. takes very short naps most of the time. has quite the personality. turns her head in a "trying to hide" fashion when told no or when strangers try to talk to her. LOVES to dance the minute she hears music. loves her jumparoo.

Month Eight: just about to start and can't wait to see what it brings!

Here are a few pictures to recap the BEST 8 months of my life thus far!!!