run ons

i had a dr's appointment today. i am on an extremely high dose of meds because nothing was working, and i have been on them since march 23rd. everyday. with blood work every 3 to 4 days. my numbers are pretty high, so i had to go in for an ultrasound. my dr is out of town though. so it's the partner that i got to see today. ultrasound started. nothing in the right ovary except for a million tiny eggs doing absolutely nothing. move on over to the left. nothing. nothing going on there either. it was over fast. "let's talk in my office after you get dressed". that is never good. never. i go across the hall to sit down and discuss that there is absolutely no logical reason why with the high dosage of meds, and how high my numbers are that there aren't any eggs developing. he said there are obviously millions in there, but the meds aren't making them work. something in my brain is counteracting the meds. there aren't many options right now. i had to go for blood work to check my thyroid. again. and though i doubt it's my thyroid, we'll see. because my dr is out of town until monday, we can't sit down and talk until then. i had to abandon this cycle because i am too dangerously high with the dosage and for so long that even if it works to develop an egg now, my lining is too thick to allow the baby to attach to my uterine wall. tmi? i know. sorry. it's my life. so i wait. more. and i cry as my husband holds me and tells me everything will be alright. i did tell him if he said that one more time today though, that i would punch him. fair warning. i'm not in the mood to be coddled. i want to be angry. i want to scream the volatile words that are going through my head. so be warned.