Why...

Why? Trusting God When You Don't Understand
by Anne Graham Lotz


This is what I am currently reading. I haven't had time to read in a very long time, and I really used to enjoy it. A friend offered to lend me this book after reading one of my blogs. I took her up on that offer. Sunday morning, 8 weeks after I delivered my triplets, I sat down and started to read this book. While I argued a little in my head over some of the statements in the book, like how could they possibly group me in the category they would be talking about...how could losing 3 children be grouped with financial troubles, losing a house, being terribly ill, divorce, etc? I will stand before ANYONE and argue that losing a child, 3 children, suddenly, tragically, is the most horrific thing in the world. I struggled chapter after chapter trying to find a common thread, a meaningful sentence, something to grasp a hold of to help me better understand "why" this had to happen when we prayed the exact opposite for 22 weeks.

"Could it be God has given you a platform of suffering from which you can be a witness of His power and grace to those who are watching? Because...
if we always feel good,
and look good,
and lead a good life...
if our kids always behave,
and our boss is always pleased,
and our home is always orderly,
and our friends are always available,
and our bank account is always sufficient,
and our car always starts,
and our body always feels good...
if we are patient,
and kind,
and thoughtful,
and happy,
and loving,
others shrug--because they're capable of being that way, too,
when everything goes right.

On the other hand...
if we have a splitting headache,
the kids are screaming,
the phone is ringing,
the boss is yelling, and
the supper is burning,
yet we are still patient,
kind,
thoughtful,
happy,
and loving...
the world sits up and takes notice. The world knows that kind of behavior is not natural. It's supernatural. And the glory of Jesus is revealed in us!"

I found it.

Even though I would give anything to have my children here again with me. Even though I carnally can't ever make the decision to allow my children to die so that someone else may have a chance at eternal life.

I found a reason that I can continue in the hope of eternity, and being with my children again. God doesn't have to give me a reason. He doesn't answer to me. If He never wanted to reveal His plan to me as to "why" this all had to happen the way it did. He does. Because He loves me.

Now, I don't believe God "took" my babies from me to prove a point to this world, or to me, or to my family. I do believe that terrible things happen, and sometimes, God chooses to step in and intervene, and sometimes, He chooses to let them happen. He sees the bigger picture. I can't see it. I don't have the capabilities to see it. Not now, possibly not until I get to heaven and see my children and my Creator. I trust though, even when I don't know why. And just like Anne says in her book, I trust because God knows why, and has far greater miracles than I can ever imagine.