Has it been that long?!

I really don't know how anyone finds time to blog! I don't even find time for sleep! My daughter turned 5 months yesterday! I can't believe it....5 months! Wow, it's gone by so fast. She has been such a source of joy in my life, added so much richness and purity to my everyday tasks. I just can't stop starring at her, kissing her, loving on her...every second I am away from her, I absolutely miss her! I was adamant about not ever wanting to be a SAHM, and now, that's all I dream about. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but boy do I love my family and serving them WAY more! In the future, maybe that is something that will happen, but for right now, I see myself staying at my job and working hard while I still have the energy! Enough about me...wanna hear about my gorgeous, beautiful, joyful, loving, super-de-duper smart daughter??? Though so...

She rolls over, back to front and front to back.

She can almost sit up unassisted.

She scoots herself around in a circle.

The other day, she used her one leg and pushed herself across her blanket! ( I know this technically was probably a fluke thing, and wasn't REALLY crawling, but I'm a proud momma, and I will call it a mini crawl! :o) )

She sleeps through the night, most nights.

She has tried carrots, peas, prunes, sweet potatoes, and soon to be avocado.

She eats a TON of cereal, she can't get enough of the stuff!

She eats about 4oz breast milk each feeding, and gets one formula bottle a day (she needs to be on formula by Thanksgiving so mommy can get shots again for a little brother or sister!)

She LOVES her baths!

She loves to people watch, and go for walks.

She prefers mommy right now, which I will enjoy while it lasts, because not too long from now, she will want nothing to do with me and be a full time daddy's girl.

She weighs over 17 lbs and is over 26in long....not exactly sure on those because her next appointment isn't until December 8th, BUT it's a good guess.

Here are a few adorable pics of my beauty:

Our Family **love**

bath time!

cutest pumpkin in the whole bunch

enjoying sitting outside watching her doggie play fetch

The Labor and Delivery Story...

...mostly, I'm doing this so my daughter has something to look back on and see how she entered the world. God knows I have no time to write it all down in her baby book. Apparently, all I had to do to go into labor was to write about how bad I wanted to be IN labor and how late I was. I wrote the "late" post on Tuesday. Wednesday was my last day of work because I had planned on being induced on Thursday if I didn't go into labor on my own. Wednesday at work I started having some contractions. I went home and Anthony made a spicy red sauce for dinner. Contractions started to pick up! We went for a walk after dinner, and contractions were pretty steady at about 15 - 20 min apart. I got home and noticed I lost my plug (tmi?? oh well). Anthony wanted to call his mom but I told him last time this happened the contractions stopped, so let's wait to see if this was really it. We went for another walk around 10:30 Wednesday night to see if we could speed these contractions along, they were all over the place after that walk, anywhere from 20 minutes apart to 7 minutes apart. We fell asleep timing the contractions. I woke up at 4am with some more serious contractions. Anthony woke up, and I told him to sleep because if this was it, he needed to be rested and there was nothing he could do right then. I came downstairs and started timing them and watched a few movies on t.v. Finally, during Regis and Kelly Live, they were steady at 10 minutes apart. I called to dr to let them know I was in labor and it started the night before, she said to do light house work, walk around and get things going faster. Anthony and I decided to run last minute errands that we needed to get done. By the time we were at Walmart, my contractions were like 7 minutes apart, and pretty intense. I had to stop every few aisles and breath through them while Anthony went on and got the stuff we needed. We then had to stop at the firehouse so Anthony could fill out some paperwork since we knew we were going into the hospital that night. We got home around 4:30 and my contractions started to be 5 minutes apart. I told Anthony to get our bags in the car cause we were leaving in the next hour. My sister in law came to pick up the dog, and I just sat on my exercise ball crying out in pain every 5 minutes. My contractions were VERY intense by now. I couldn't talk or move through them anymore. All I could do was breath and try not to lose my breath crying. I called the dr to let them know, the nurse asked how bad they were and while on the phone I had another contraction. She said I needed to get my butt to the hospital because she could hear over the phone how intense they were. We got in the truck and by now my contractions were about 2 minutes apart and I didn't have any time to recover in between them, so I was so overwhelmed and losing energy fast. We got to the hospital and every contraction brought tears. We got up to triage and because there were so many people there they took my vitals and hooked me up to all the machines in a room. The nurse said baby was doing great but my contractions were only a minute apart. The dr came in to check how dilated I was, and I was only 3 1/2 cm dilated. I couldn't believe that was it in 24 hours, I had only dilated 1/2 cm from that previous Monday when I went to the dr. The dr told me that she wouldn't give me the epidural until I was 5cm. I was in so much pain I couldn't believe it, and the contractions weren't slowing down, they were one on top of the next with no time to recover at all in between. I tried a bath, and that was so uncomfortable, so I got out and tried to walk around the floor. I barely got around the corner from my room and I couldn't move I was in so much pain. The dr saw me and told me to head back to the room and she would check to see how far along I was. By this time I was throwing up with contractions. The dr checked and I was 4cm dilated. She told me she would call the dr for the epidural. They came in asked a few questions and then it was time to get down to business. I can't believe the pain that came next. You have to sit still while they are doing the needle for the epi. I was having contractions every minute, literally, so there wasn't much of a window for me to be able to be still. The contractions had me doubled over. First time the needle went in with the catheter, I felt a sharp pain go down my right side all the way down my leg. NOTHING like what I was told an epidural would feel like. She tried again, same thing, and again, same thing. 4 times this lady tried and paged the head dr because something wasn't right. The head dr came in and told her to try another spot and she did. This time, went in with no problems. 4 times she hit my nerve wall, and it was incredibly painful. I was pissed! Finally, relief though. Within minutes of the epidural being administered I no longer could feel my contractions. I had now been up over 36 hours with only 4 hour of restless sleep in that stretch. Now, I was trying to rest in bed. Anthony was fantastic through this all. Very encouraging, very loving, very helpful, so amazing. I couldn't have made it as far as I did without him. My blood pressure dropped at one point, and Claire didn't like the contractions at one point, but other than that everything went text book. My contractions started to dwindle around 2am. They came in to say they had to start me on pitocin so that my contractions could start up again. I was only 5cm at this time. Anthony and my mother were down in the cafeteria getting something to eat, and ate down there because I couldn't eat anything and I was starving. Around 2:30 they started the pitocin drip and told me they would be in every 1/2 hour to up the dose until the contractions were as intense and as close together as they needed to be. The dr came in around 3 and upped the dose. I was doing fine, resting, chatting, getting anxious because there was NO turning back now (like there ever was)! I started to feel my contractions again, to the point they were pretty uncomfortable again. When the nurse game back in I told her to see if I should up my epidural, she said they would have to check first. The dr came in at 4am and checked and said the reason I could feel it was because I was ready to push! I was really scared now, they scurried around the room getting everything set up, and I was pushing by 4:10am. Every time I pushed they commented on how much hair Claire had I couldn't believe they could see. Anthony said over and over again how he didn't want to look, and he watched the WHOLE time! She was getting stuck each push and wouldn't come out. Finally, the dr told me that I was tearing in front instead of back so in order to stop that he had to perform an episiotomy. I was shocked because I know they don't do those anymore....unless of course it's a necessary measure. The dr cut and stated, and I quote..."those are dull!" To which the other dr said, and I quote..."it's not my job to keep the scissors sharp." WHAT!?!? I couldn't believe that! After that was over, one push and Claire practically FLEW out! I pushed for a little over an hour, mostly because the dr was trying to get Claire out without having me tear or have to cut me and finally realized I was just too small to get anything more than a donut hole out! hahaha, there was a nice little nob on the back of Claire's head that was stuck for the longest time. No cone head because I wasn't big enough for even that! They placed Claire on my chest and she was the most gorgeous thing I had ever laid eyes on. I looked up at Anthony, mostly to reassure me that this was real and not a dream. I couldn't believe she was finally here, that I survived labor and delivery, and she and I were both healthy! They continually rubbed her hard to keep her crying, the dr's stitched me up. I made a comment about how thankful I was that Claire didn't have the Italian nose, the dr was Italian! He joked I better watch it or he would use the stitches that would have to be removed! And that's where the story of my life as a mother began...the best story that will ever be told by me. She is amazing, beautiful, miraculous, and all ours! I loved her more than I thought possible the moment I laid eyes on her!

Long overdue

It has been a pretty busy past 9 weeks! My daughter is here! She came on May 28th, at 5:23am. She is 2 months old today, and I feel like she was just born yesterday. I haven't had a minute to blog though. She is beautiful, and so amazing, but very hard right now. She has severe acid reflux, and colic. Each week brings a bit of improvement. We are waiting for that "miraculous" 3 month mark that everyone says it goes away. She refuses a pacifier, and YES, we have tried many kinds, yet she will suck on her blankets, my shoulder, my arm, anything that is near her mouth that ISN'T meant to be sucked on. She also fights the bottle like it's trying to harm her. If I am anywhere in the room, or if she's even seen me in the previous minutes, you can forget it. She won't do it. She is one stubborn little miss.

I believe part of the crying is definitely a hot temper that my part Italian part German daughter has unfortunately inherited. We will be laying hands and praying over her very soon! I keep telling her, if this continues in a year, she will be receiving many spankings. Don't say I didn't warn you!

We have a pretty wonderful routine down. She's been a great sleeper since she was 2 weeks old, that's never been a problem. Awake time was always the problem. She only gets up once in the night, between 2:30 and 4, depending on when she finally falls asleep at night, and then is up between 5:30 and 7am for a bit. She wakes up so happy, smiling, talking, playing. I love those times. It lasts about a 1/2 hour and then she's so hungry. She eats, plays some more and eats again around 9, this time, she is swaddled though. I have learned very quickly, if my child isn't swaddled, she will NOT sleep more than 15 minutes. I swear, she's going to be a year and still swaddling! Let's not go there just yet! After this feeding, she will sleep for 3 hours!!! It's an incredible nap, and it's like clockwork. I only wish I was home for it to sleep right along with her. She wakes up happy and ready to play for about 1/2 an hour again before she is hungry. She eats, and after being up for about an hour and a half, is down again for another 2 - 3 hour nap. You could almost set your watches to her naps. It is wonderful. After that though, you can forget it. No more naps for the day. She wakes up a beast from that nap, eats, cries, eats, cries, maybe plays for a little while with mommy and daddy, and then cries some more. At 8:30/9pm we go up for a bath. She LOVES her baths, smiling, giggling, playing. So content. I'm thinking of putting her in the bathtub around 4pm and not taking her out til she's going to bed at night. Honestly, I am. In her bath is where I can get her to take her medicines without crying, I also get her to eat 2 tablespoons of cereal with 2 ounces of milk. She's been doing this since 4 weeks. I hate that she's on cereal already, but it helps with keeping the food in her stomach that the acid is always wanting to push back up. I nurse her one last time around 9:30 and she's out again for the night til 2:30/3:30ish. I love that she loves her schedule, and I love that she is so easy to be on a schedule already. I know some people take a long time to find a schedule for their baby. Claire just kinda made her own, and I stick with it. Only downfall to the scheduled life is it makes my days go by super fast, and that only means my baby girl gets one day older a lot faster than I would like.

She is the most amazing gift Anthony and I have ever received though, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I even think that a sister or brother is possible now. If you had asked me right after giving birth, and again when we first got home and didn't know what was wrong with Claire, I would have told you otherwise. She was close to being an only child!

Birth story to come next time I have a few minutes (who knows when that will be!). I will leave you with this picture of my beautiful, amazing little miracle...

A few minutes old:

2 Months Old:

I'm late...

...well, Claire is late. Her due date has come and gone with no signs that she is in a hurry to arrive. We were told to prepare for an early baby because we were fertility. Here Claire is, already defying the norm. Hope she's like that in her walk with Jesus as well! We have been praying over her since day one that she would be a life changer, passionate for her Savior, and so in love with Who He is. She is our miracle, and we gave her back to God at week 6 of her life inside of me when we got the little scare that she wasn't going to be ok. I can't wait to see her personality, her character, her love for others, but most of all I can't wait to see her FACE!!! She has hid her face from us this entire time, revealing an ear here, a nose there, a corner of an eye here. I have NO idea what she will look like, and just am so anxious to finally meet her.

Our last dr appointment went well. She is "docile" according to my dr. I'm holding her to that! She moves about twice a day, just wiggles a little, then she pretty much sleeps the rest of the time. She is really, really, really, REALLY low. I know this because I pulled my groin muscle about 3 weeks ago, just before she dropped, and can literally feel her pushing on that muscle at certain points of the day. Makes for one funny looking walk.

Dr. said I'm 3cm dilated, and 75% effaced. She stripped my membranes yesterday at our appointment, and is believing from the looks of things that I will go on my own. If not though, we have a decision to make. My dr. is on call this Friday, as well as next Friday the 4th. She really doesn't want me going to Friday June 4th because it's past the "safe" 41 1/2 weeks that she says one should go. This Friday would be just shy of 41 weeks and would be the best option if our dr is going to induce. This means I would go in Thursday night. 2 DAYS AWAY!!! We are praying and believing that I go on my own. If not, we have to decide whether we risk waiting to go on my own the following week, or be induced by a dr who knows nothing about my body and where we've been on this journey to have our child. NOT easy for me to trust another dr to know and understand who Anthony and I are, and how we would like to bring this child into the world.

I know there is no planning for birth. It comes when your body is ready, and if not, they have to force it. We just really looked forward to all the options we had to labor at home, to use the jet tubs, to use the ball, to walk around, to NOT be confined to a bed. I don't want to labor the entire time in a bed. What they are thinking right now for induction would be to just break my water since I am pretty thinned and already at 3cm. If that doesn't progress though, it's the IV, and the yucky Pitocin, and the possibility of c-section. I rebuke all those things in Jesus name. Ultimately, it's up to God what experience I have in birthing this child. I just pray He chooses what Anthony and I would like :o)

That's all for now. Hopefully, my next update will be that I have been in labor and our daughter has safely arrived! I'm pretty anxious now that it's just around the corner. Any moment!!!

WoW...Let's pretend it hasn't been so long since we've chatted!

Don't mind the grammatical error or one giant paragraph, but I am just going to type everything I can think of for the past few months as I go, and not worry about how to format it...

Can't believe the last time I blogged was around Christmas. It's been so incredibly busy around here. Our baby room is almost complete. We have drawers and closets full of clothes. I'm getting bigger and bigger every day, and it's all happening so fast. I can't believe I am already at 32 weeks. I can't believe in 8 or less weeks we will have a daughter to hold, kiss, rock, nurture. I am so incredibly excited, and so incredibly nervous all at once. I've been in love since the day we found out, but scared about what this process entails just as much. We keep praying for little head, little shoulders, then we PROMISE to bulk her right up. We've gotten 2 more ultrasounds since the finding out of the sex. The first was to get a better look at her heart because they didn't get good measurements the first time. That was back in January. Then we went along, measuring right on, heartbeat perfect every time, movement was non-stop. The sickness went away, the headaches and dizziness went away, the exhaustion was less, and I slept great. THEN we hit 3rd trimester. I started getting nauseas again, I woke up about 5 times each night incredibly uncomfortable, the heartburn kicked in every time I ate or drank anything. Yesterday I went to the dr and Claire was measuring a little too small so I had to go for another ultrasound this morning. Everything looks good, she just apparently likes her feet up by her face. She is head down, but her feet are down there with her. She's quite the gymnist it seems. Her hands are still covering her face. She is a shy one. She doesn't want us to see her in entirety until the day she arrives. Then you better believe I will be staring at her face incessently. I can't wait to see every inch of her, and smell her, and kiss her. She is one miracle, that is for sure. Anthony was just saying this morning we have stories to tell her already, and she better not want allowance because of all the dr appointments we've needed to go to because she likes to "scare" the dr's. Just wait until she comes out and wraps his heart around her finger. She will just blink and get whatever it is in this world he can give her. Now we just wait. 8 more weeks. I pray it's in about 6. I just can't wait any longer. I want her in my arms. My arms have been waiting too long. The best friends in the world are throwing her a baby shower tomorrow. I will hopefully blog about it before July :o) Here are some pictures from the past few months:

This is her profile from today. She has her daddy's nose, and is sucking on her bottom lip.

This is the picture from January's ultrasound. She is holding on to her cord with both hands. It was a relief to see that today she has let the cord go!

Sorry, I thought I had pics of the nursery on this computer, but I don't. You can see those on my facebook account. She's one chubby cheeked little girl so far! Oh, and she has hair! Yea!!!

It's a....

GIRL!!! We went to the dr. on Wednesday the 23rd and had our ultrasound. We walked into our room and Anthony told the technician that we didn't want her to tell us the sex of the baby. We would like for her to seal it in an envelope so we could place it in our stocking and open with our presents (which would be Christmas Eve morning). She was excited for us. Apparently, we were the first ones to suggest that that day.

The technician went over every part of our baby, from the top of her head, to the tip of her toes. She then went to take some 3D pics, but admitted they wouldn't really turn out because she was hiding her face between her arms. Either she is defiant already, or she is really shy like her mommy. After the exam was over, while we waited for the pics to download to our CD, our technician left to write down the sex of the baby and seal it in an envelope. She returned and said she checked really hard to make sure we couldn't peak, holding it up to the lights and everything. What a fun lady she was!

On our way home I just agonized over the envelope. What was I thinking!? I just wanted to know. Anthony was strong though. He took the envelope away and took me back to work. It was a long afternoon at work wondering what my child was. It's all I could think about. When I got home, I begged my husband to open the envelope. He was pretty firm and strong about holding out til morning. Around 10pm that night though, he couldn't take it any longer either. He said we could open it at midnight, and technically it would be Christmas eve. It was such a long wait!!! We both stated what we thought the baby was. I was confident it was a boy. Anthony was pretty sure it was a girl. He said God has a lot to still teach him about sensitivity and such and so God would do it through his daughter. I handed him the envelope and had him open it. We both hung onto the paper like it was our child, slowly opened the note, and read it...."Congratulations, you are going to have a GIRL!" I couldn't believe it! We both teared up a little, and I was speechless. I was going to have a daughter in a few short months! My husband was going to have a daddy's little girl! I am still in awe!

We talked about names from the day we knew we would be a family before we were even married. We decided on the name Claire Marie. She is already such an important person in our lives! We quickly decided how we would share this with our families, and went to bed. It was 2:30 in the morning. I was exhausted!

I woke up at 6:30 sick to my stomach, so I had to get up to eat. I went back to bed, only to have my husband wake me up at 8 like a little child ready to open presents! I got about 4 hours of sleep and Claire and I were feeling it! Christmas was amazing knowing we were going to have a daughter. The feeling of being a mommy is indescribable to me. I have no words, only tears, and feelings of overwhelming joy.

Today, we went out shopping for a little while. All I wanted to do was find an outfit for Claire. I have waited for this day for so long. I couldn't wait to find out if the baby was a boy or girl so I could buy an outfit that wasn't gender neutral. We found the cutest dress ever and brought it home and hung it on our tree. I love her more than words can say already, and she already has daddy wrapped around her little finger.

Here is a picture of her hiding behind her arm.



Here is a picture of me at 18 weeks, just before we found out that we were having a girl. It's one of only 2 I have so far. I wasn't really in the picture taking mood up until recently. I've just been so sick.

So sue me...

It's been a long time since I last posted. I know. I can't help it. In the last post I noticed I wrote about how I thought things were turning around with being sick. Boy was I wrong. We are at just over 17 weeks right now, and I'm still sick. The last week has been the best I've had yet though. So do I dare say now that I think things may be turning around? In the past few months there's been a hospital visit, Dr visits, weight loss, lots of laying on my couch feeling useless as my husband does EVERYTHING around the house....it's been slightly miserable. I say slightly because my baby is doing wonderful through all this, and is healthy, and very active. I just have a few side effects. I'll take it though. Every last one. I won't lie, it gets hard sometimes. I feel like I can't do it much longer, and then I have a non-sick day, and I'm so happy to have this baby. I feel so blessed that after all we went through, in the grand scheme of things, some couples go through way more, with less than exciting results. For that, I thank God every morning that He chose us to be able to carry this baby and parent this child. What an amazing gift.

We have our ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby on Wednesday the 23rd. We will have them seal it in an envelope though and place it in our stocking to open on Christmas morning. The best Christmas present has been this child, so what better than to find out if our child will be a boy or girl on Christmas! We are so excited. My husband gives me the countdown every evening. He is so adorable. I tease (though I think it is going to come true more and more each day) him that after this child is born, I will never be able to hold and snuggle him or her because my husband won't share. He will be the best daddy ever. I can't wait to see him with our baby. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it!

We are almost half way through this pregnancy. So far, I've had a slight weight loss, nothing terrible. The Dr said she isn't going to worry until we are at 20 weeks. If we don't start gaining then, she will begin to do some tests to figure out why. She did say that some people just don't gain any weight while pregnant and their babies are perfectly fine. I volunteer to be that person! Heck yes! As long as my child is healthy and receiving everything he/she needs, bring on the "no weight gain"!

We have taken one picture on my belly since this all began. My husband bugged me for weeks to take pictures, but I told him, if you had the flu and I kept bugging you to pose and smile for me so I could take a picture, I think you would punch me. Well, no one wants to take a picture when they feel like they are close to death's door. I told him now that I'm feeling better, we can take a picture every week if he wants, and believe me, he wants! I will post the pic soon. It's of 16 weeks. I seemed to have popped this past week as the sweater I wore to church last Sunday is now become a belly shirt for me.

I will try to keep this updated more. I really will, but if it's anything like the first 17 weeks, I may not be on for a while. So sue me!