Lather, Rinse, Repeat

I know I am no where close to blogging like I was at the beginning of the year. I am trying, and some days I have plenty to say, but no time to say it, then on the days I have time....I can't for the life of me remember what it was I had to say.

I left off in the process of our journey in infertility having had 1 egg ready to be released, a scheduled IUI, and waiting for the mandatory 2 weeks. I failed at the "waiting 2 weeks" thing. Terribly. I really tested those "early detection" pregnancy tests. I took 4 in the matter of 2 weeks. Only 1 of them being at the 2 week mark, mind you. They were all negative. And then, on Tuesday of this week, the exact 2 week mark, I got my period. I didn't think it would hit me as hard as it did. We have never had an unsuccessful IUI, though I know MANY who have. It's not a guarantee, especially with only 1 egg. Not even close. There is about a 15 - 20% chance to get pregnant. Not high AT ALL. But, nonetheless, I was pretty upset. I found a spot to be alone, call my husband, and weep. Unfortunately, I needed to be at work that day, or I would have crawled in a hole and felt sorry for myself for a couple of hours. I didn't though. I recovered, and though hurt, put myself back together. Life is never predictable. And if there's one thing I've learned the most over these past 7 months, it's that life never goes the way you think it's going to go. You have absolutely no control. And the quicker you can grasp onto that, the better the "ride" will be. Well, better is a pretty ambiguous word. I made the phone call to the dr, had an ultrasound and blood work done on Thursday, and got to start the process all over again Friday. I am a pro at this now, and though I wished that it was over and we weren't sticking needles into my body daily again, it's not, and we are. I remind myself that it's all for a purpose. It's all in God's hands, and in God's timing. I have done this process for almost 3 years straight now. Each time you would think it gets easier. It doesn't But, I am much quicker to recover from the disappointment. Thankful for my family, thankful for my health insurance, thankful for my "healthy" body, and thankful that I have a Savior who loves me, cares about my heart, and died so that I can live for eternity with the Creator of the world and see my children again. Keeping Him in my sights, so that I don't sway to the right of to the left, which is so easy to do when life doesn't hand us what we think we deserve.