"Where is your God now?"

I am dreading this question, so was my husband when he went back to work. There are plenty of non-believers in our life, and plenty who say they believe, but don't live the life God has called us to live. So I wondered many times what I would say if asked this question after tragically loosing our triplets. Heck, I even asked this question. Many times. I actually screamed it in a voice I didn't even recognize when we found out we had to give birth to all 3 of them. "Where are you God? Why does it have to be this way? Why God, why?" I remember hearing me scream/cry this out, over and over and over again. Through my contractions, through my rest, through my pushing, through holding them for the first time. Over and over again. Out of my body. I was looking down and trying to convince myself it was all a dream. I wondered over and over again what the answer was to these questions. I still wonder why...though I assume I will never know here on this earth. I may even never understand. But the where? I have peace in knowing the where. While peace comes and goes in my spirit, while I still miss them terribly and cry daily...I know the where. "Where was my God"...He was right here. He met me here in this place. His grace was waiting. He sustained us. And His presence filled the room.