Mother's Day Musings

"I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart;

I will tell of all your wonders.

I will be glad and rejoice in you;

I will sing praise to your name,

O Most High.

Psalm 9:1-2

 

 

My children on Mother's Day 2013

Me with my children

The cutest piggies in all the world!

 

 

 

Mother's Day was bittersweet. You read anyone's blog who has lost a child or more than one child, but have a child or more than one child on this earth, and they will resonate the same thing. I am thankful for Claire and Dominic. Beyond blessed by God allowing them in my life, as my children. I still miss my other children greatly though. And since Dominic has been born, it's way different. Mothering after a loss is different, but mothering after a loss and then having another child after the loss is sometimes more than my heart can handle. I feel inadequate. I feel overwhelmed. I cry at a lot (and I thought before I cried at a lot!!!). I feel unworthy.

 

I know that I know that I know that satan has been working overtime to get to my heart these past few months. The fear, the anxiety, the overwhelming feelings, none of them are from God. I read a blog that put exactly what I repeat to myself over and over again, or should I say satan screams it at me over and over again, this morning. I forget how I stumbled upon it, but I copy and pasted it thankfully, because it was filled with scriptures reminding me that the lies are just that, lies. God is truth. God is love. God is. And I need to remind myself that throughout the day. Satan lies. All the time. He is the Father of Lies. And I have been buying into them.

 

 

To this lie: "He took them because you wouldn't have been a good mom to them. You wouldn't be able to handle it. You have a very busy toddler, and now look, with Dominic, you can barely handle those 2! Let alone 3 more that are the same age and barely 2!"

 

I will believe:
Nathan, Malia and Anthony Jr's brief lives have brought God so much glory.  They had to leave for grand, eternal, cosmic reasons that my finite mind can't understand until one gloriously enlightening day.  It has nothing to do with my skills as a mother. God doesn't "punish" His  children for human inadequacies, because His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

 

 

To this lie:"He'll do this again you know.  Hurt you, take things from you."

I will say:

Job 2:10 - Shall we only accept good from God and not adversity?

Job 1:20 - The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be His name.

Psalm 34:18 - The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves those with a contrite spirit.

 

 

To this lie: "You're so different now.  Your husband doesn't know you or love you anymore."

I will say:

God allowed this into my life for a reason - I know it will make me into the vessel He want me to be.  I need to allow losing Nathan, Malia, and Anthony Jr to refine me and not define me and everything will be ok.

To this lie: "You can't have children on your own because God doesn't think you should be a mom."

I will say:

I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Deliver my life from the wicked ... from the men whose portion is in this life ... they are satisfied with children ... as for me, I will see your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.  Psalm 17:13-15

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things; sufficient for the day is its own trouble.  Matthew 6:34


To this lie: "Heaven is so far away.  You're clinging to hope that's so distant.  Where is the comfort in that?"

I will say:

Blessed is the man who endures trials; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.  James 1:12

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, if working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.  2 Corinthians 4:17

I would have lost heart if I had not believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Psalm 27:13


To this lie: "You're a good person.  He gives bad mothers, abusive mothers, neglectful mothers, teenage mothers who can't provide for children armfuls of children.  Where is the justice?"

I will say:
 But we are all like an unclean thing, all our righteousness' are like filthy rags.  Isaiah 64:6

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Romans 3:23

But God demonstrates His love toward us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8


To this lie: "Do you still believe in the power of prayer?  Do you remember what God did with your requests for healthy babies?"

I will say:

God make all things work together for the good of His kingdom.

1 John 1:5 - God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. 

Romans 8:1 - There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the spirit.  

2 Corinthians 3:17 - Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty ... enlightenment ... deliverance ... privilege ... 

 

In these things, I hope to find the peace and freedom that is in Christ. Because this burden or lies that has entangled themselves around my neck is drowning me. And I have a family to enjoy. I have a Lord to lift up and glorify.

 

I'm trying.