I really love journaling. I really love to have something to look back on and see where I have come from, or what happened when. I love documenting my children's lives. However, I am terrible at it. I find that I have less and less time just when I think I will have more. There is so much that goes on each month that I just don't even know where to start when I wait so long. I may just have to do a bunch of separate updates at one point, one for the children, one for my spiritual journey, one for my grief journey. Maybe I'll set aside time 3 times a week and do that. Ah, who am I kidding!?
I'll do a quick recap and starting in August, I'll try a new "schedule" for blogging.
I'll start with Claire:
She's become quite the little spitfire. She is hilarious, and knows it. She will do funny stuff on purpose so we laugh at her, and she laughs so hard. I love her heart and her sense of humor. She says the funniest things, most of which I put on facebook to document. She has taken to calling me "heather" when I'm distracted and not answering her "mommy mommy mommy" calls. The girl could swing ALL.DAY.LONG! Seriously. She can't get enough. My husband built a swing set for her in the backyard and she will no longer play in the pool, sandbox, or with her balls. She insists on dressing and undressing herself without help. She even puts her shoes on by herself. I'm not ready for how big she's getting. Not ready at all. I really love this stage, though she's addicted to her doting parents, and the whole "play by yourself" concept is not really there. It's our fault. We are constantly entertaining her, playing with her, engaging her....but a moment to sit down would be nice. I do have to admit. Maybe in a few years. But then again, I will cry if there's ever a day she doesn't want her mommy or daddy to play with her anymore. She's a complete mommy monster right now. I can't go to work without a crying "mommy, you can't go! I miss you!" guilt trip. I can't go to the bathroom without her trailing behind, or forget about me running out by myself for a quick trip to the grocery store. She's my sidekick....and pretty much 99% of the time, I love it. I wouldn't mind her allowing daddy to do a few things though. I am tiring out quickly from being stretched so thin. She got her first ever Hand Foot and Mouth disease encounter. It was AWFUL! She had a 104 fever, didn't eat for 4 days, lost 3 lbs. My skinny minny is even skinnier now! I'm trying to fatten her up. Shouldn't be hard with her sweet tooth, but apparently food goes in and since she never sits still, burns right out. Did I mention she never sits still. Yeah. I'm tired. She has started sleeping til 7am most mornings. How nice of her. Ugh. My day starts so early. Seriously considering throwing a bunch of food on the kitchen table and telling her to help herself in the morning so I can stay in bed. No? Oh right. The babe. He's up by then too. Oh mommyhood.
She wears a 4T or 5T depending on what it is. She literally can still fit in 24 month shorts. She has no butt. She's 38 1/4" and 30lbs. She just turned 3, but you would think she's going on 5. She will tell you she is anyways.
Now onto Dominic:
Oye! This boy has stolen my heart, and I know we'll never be the same again. He has had a rough start to this thing called "life". He can't poop on his own. If I don't do miralax, even one day, I pay for the next few days. Suppositories are a permanent item on the grocery list lately. Usually at least every 2 days, if not more often. He still eats only 4 oz every 2 hours. He won't eat more, and dare you stretch him out past the 2 hr mark....his scream is ear piercing. He will eat 5 oz before he goes to bed at 7pm, and I'll sneak another 5 oz in at 10pm in hopes that one day that will make him last through the night. So far, he's not. He's up around 1am and eats 5oz and then around 5am and eats another 5 oz. He will then only sleep if mommy snuggles him, and is usually up and ready to play by 7am. He eats about 3oz and eats cereal and pears. Then is down for a nap around 9 with a bottle where he will sleep about an hour. He's down around noon where he sleeps anywhere from an hour to 2 hours. He takes his last nap around 4 where he usually only sleeps around 45 min to an hour. His bath is at 6:30pm, and he's down for the count at 7. He's a growing boy. He just got his first tooth, and the second one is just about ready to poke through. Should be here by the weekend. He rolls over from back to front once in a while. He has no real desire to though. He rolled from front to back for the first time today! I missed it though. I was in the shower. My mother and daughter got to see it and Claire told me all about it, with exact pointing to where he rolled from and to. She's hilarious. She's her mother's daughter all right! Dominic is a mommy monster as well. No one can put him to bed if mommy is home, and if mommy isn't home, he doesn't sleep long. I always come home to a screaming baby and the second I get him, he lays his head on my shoulder, nuzzles his smooshy face into my neck and goes to sleep. Punk. Have I mentioned I'm exhausted from being the only one? We've tried "forcing" daddy, and it's not worth it. I don't need the lectures of "you'll regret it" either. If you know me at all, I won't regret it. I may be tired now, but I know there will be a day, and it could be all too soon, that this won't be the case anymore. I want to cherish every moment. Every exhausting, tiring, emotionally pulling moment. He is always smiling. He had his first illness. Pneumonia. Sucks. Poor guy couldn't breath. It was so scary. We got through it, and I'm thankful he bounced back so well. He loves talking and kissing and laughing. He's my little thrill seeker. He loves to be thrown up in the air, or feel like he is falling. He giggles so hard. It's the best sound. He brings such joy to my heart.
He is wearing mostly 9 month clothing. He can fit in some 6 month stuff. He's in size 3 diapers. He's 26+ inches long now and last weighed at 18lbs, but I'm almost sure he's closer to 20 now. He JUST turned 5 months old. Can we say giant?
Can we skip the rest? No? Challenge yourself heather. Push....
Spiritually, I'm doing well. I am hungry for God's word. For practical ways to live out His word. I have recently been following a blog that challenges me in my walk daily. Most recently about how we need to be still. We are so used to getting our answers to our questions immediately from Google, or having Facebook right at our fingertips and therefore never truly being alone. We expect to pray and the answer be right there. For me especially. I want immediate answers to my prayers. I cry out in desperation and can get immediate attention from Facebook, or Google...but not God......or so I had begun to think. I need to step away and take more time for the Holy Spirit to nurture my soul. I've also taken on the attitude that my children are my ministry. Instead of being frustrated from the crying, being up all night, the whining, the mommy monsterness....I look at it like they are my ministry. I need to nurture them, reach out, calm them. They are my reason to keep going right now. I'm working on that one still at some points, but I'm really trying. They are only little once. And any moment it could all be gone. You can call it morbid or whatever, but I don't care. I want to live each day, each moment with my children, like it could be their last. It could be our last snuggle, our last sneak in of a snack, our last staying up just a bit longer....I want to make memories, and I want to look back and have no regrets. It may be tough right now, but it won't be tough forever. I'm willing to stretch myself now so that I know I did all I possibly could for them while they needed it most. I don't want to take the easy road, the relaxing road. I want to take the play so hard I wanna crash, snuggle so much I need a few showers, and sleep when I have a chance road.
As for my grief journey...that WILL have to wait. It's been tough since Dominic's been born, And these upcoming weeks are going to be even tougher. We've already started the planning for the triplet's birthday, but my heart aches. It is literally torn between two places and I just don't see it getting easier. I miss my children so much my heart aches most of every day. Like a physical ache. My head is swimming with trying to stay in touch with reality while daydreaming about what life on earth with 5 children would be like. My tears come so easy, and so I must wait to write more.
I'll leave you with a few photos of my loves.
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