Week of February 4, 2013 ~ Mirror, Mirror ~ The Comparison Trap
Mothers often fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to one another. This is a trap many women fall into. We compare our families, mothering styles, fashion sense, careers or lack thereof, bodies, etc. Even mothers with babies in heaven compare the way we grieve our children. I know…sad…but we do it, if we’re honest enough to admit it. So, how can we find freedom from this? Sharing is a start…telling the truth…admitting the struggle. I think, then, we will see that we all love our children, regardless of how we choose to remember and honor their lives…whether publicly or quietly…with big parties or simple moments of remembrance. Be real on this week’s post, and let’s free ourselves from the trap of comparing!
I have thought long and hard about this, unsure of what I would post. I honestly can't really remember a time that I compared myself to anyone else in the grieving process. I am comfortable with the way I grieve, and I'm comfortable in knowing that everyone grieves different, some "more" than others. I have taken some ideas from other mom's who have lost children, and I have left some things behind. I know what I need to make my heart and mind function with this sort of loss, and I do it. I don't care how it's looked at, I don't care who agrees or disagrees, I don't care about murmuring behind my back (cause I know there has been). I do what my family and I need to do to function on this earth with 1/2 of our family in heaven. If that's comparing, then I'm ok with it, but if it's meaning is more like "I wish I did this more like this person, or that person." I don't. I do regret not having a memorial service, but again, not because other's have, but because it would have been one more way for me to celebrate my children's short lives, and share them with more people.
I don't want to "reach" just to create a post, so I guess that's all I have to say for now. If something comes to me, I will be sure to return and talk about it.
6 comments:
I'm glad that you are in a comfortable spot, in regards to feeling that you have done, and are doing what's right for your family... That's the perfect way to do it! :)
Love ya, Heather...and I loved your post. I'm grateful for the place you're in, and love the freedom you have from that stinkin' comparison trap. It's a good place to be, sister.
It's great that you are comfortable in your walk and that you haven't fallen in the trap of comparing...
Like you, I am comfortable in my way of grieving. I do take note of what others have done and "steal" ideas if I think it will help me heal. But I do often find myself wishing I had done some of the things that others have done in regards to making memories with their babies. But you're right - my regrets have nothing to do with other people. I'm happy for them. I have regrets because I missed out on something, and that actually has nothing to do with anyone else. I don't know why I never realized this before... thanks for putting it in perspective for me <3
I am so glad you are in that place! I'm in the place now where I am comfortable too with how I grieve and don't compare like I used to in my earlier grief.
So happy for you that you are in a comfortable place and don't feel the trap of comparisons. I cannot wait until the day that I am in that place. Thank you so much for sharing!
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