Round 2

I never thought "Round 2" would hit me like this. I've cried 3 times already this morning. I'm not ready for more holidays without my children. everyone says that each year get s better. who made up that rule? stupid. just stupid. it's not better. not at all. i miss them terribly and now, with round 2 just hours away, i am even more saddened that this feels like more reality. they really aren't here. this isn't just a terrible bad dream that took a long time to end. this past year was a year of firsts. now, it's starting out our seconds. thanksgiving and christmas are my 2 most favorite holidays ever.  tomorrow, i will wake up and start making dinner while watching the parade. only i will only be making dinner for 3 less mouths this year. again. my husband said he thinks a lot about how they would be crawling around now and probably trying to start walking. it would be an utter chaos kind of holiday. the kind i love. the kind where i would rather order in because thinking of making all this food while entertaining family and chasing a 2 1/2 yr old and 3 1 yr olds would just overwhelm me to a state of rocking in the corner. i dreamt of that. for 21 weeks. "Round 2" sucks just as bad as "Round 1". they are lying if they tell you different.