faith is my mantra, joy is my song

i'm not as emotional about this pregnancy as i thought i'd be.  i thought i would be a nervous wreck, and i'm not. i thought i would cry tears of happiness and fear, and i haven't. i am utterly the epitome of excited. my husband, not so much. he was so nervous. he said the wind had been taken out of his sails from the sudden loss of the triplets, and while i understand where he's coming from, and i thought i would be there too....i know that it's by God's grace that i'm not. we prayed and had faith that we would get pregnant again. so, i thought, what right do i have to now fear and doubt when He answered my prayers?! then i thought, when this child asks me "how did you react when you found out you were pregnant with me?" i want to be able to answer that i was just as excited and filled with joy as i was when i found out with all of his/her siblings. i also want to make sure that however long or short i have with this child, whether i meet him/her on this earth, or they live for a short time or for a lifetime, i want to enjoy every second. i want to be thankful for EVERY.SECOND! most people take life for granted. days for granted. even moments for granted. i never want to be that person again. i try really hard to not be. i try really hard to make sure that in all things i am giving thanks to the one who gives life....long or short. i'm not saying i wouldn't be devastated if something happens to this child or any of my other children i may have or already do have. i'm just saying, i need to live for this moment, at this particular time, on this particular day. i have my baby with me, he/she is safe and sound, and that's what i'm thankful for. my husband is coming around. he's getting more comfortable i think that the baby is here. i know his heart was ripped in a million pieces when we lost the triplets. i know if we lost any more children he will be changed forever...all over again. we pray for this baby every day, for fingers and toes, and lungs and heart, and every little piece of him/her in between. just like with every other pregnancy. faith is my mantra, joy is my song.