Hope

Linking up with Hope Mommies, and sharing the story of my beautiful children that are no longer on this earth.

Anthony Thomas Jr

Nathan Richard

Malia Elizabeth

On April 11, 2011, my husband's birthday, we had a successful IUI. We didn't know it yet. It was a long 2 weeks of waiting, and on Easter of that year, we found out, we were indeed pregnant again! We were so excited. It took 5 months of unsuccessful IUI's, but we were finally pregnant. On May 16th we found out in our first ultrasound, at 7 weeks pregnant we were pregnant with sextuplets! One of them didn't have a heartbeat anymore though, and so we were told to expect quintuplets. We were told 2 of them looked big and strong, and 3 of them looked weak. I was in shock. Complete shock. I had no words, just sobbing. Tears of joy, tears of fear, tears of unknown. Tears mourning that one baby we never even knew we had. We went back for our 8 week ultrasound and found that we had lost another of our babies, and we were only pregnant with quads. Our dr said that most likely we were going to end up with just twins. We prayed against that. Every heartbeat was our child. Every heartbeat was a bond we had instantly. We returned at our 9 week and found we were only pregnant with triplets, but all 3 were strong, healthy, big. We had lost another one, yet were excited we still were pregnant with 3 healthy babies. I was beginning to feel like every time we would go we would hear bad news. Week 10 we returned and were still pregnant with healthy, strong triplets. We "graduated" and went on to our high risk OB. We had our ultrasound with him at 12 weeks and were so scared we would end up having lost one or more of our babies, and to our surprise, and joy, we were pregnant with triplets still. They all looked great, were given labels of "A", "B", and "C" in order that they would be delivered naturally. We started plans for the nursery, buying items, figuring our what room they would be in as our daughter had the biggest bedroom in the house, but we didn't want to upset her life too much as things would be so different as it was with triplet siblings. We decided we would make the smaller room work for the triplets. Week 14 came. I was home alone with my daughter and my husband was working nights. I went up to her room after she had woke up crying. I went to lift her out of bed and I felt a rush of wetness go down my leg and all over the rug. I thought I had peed myself, though I didn't have the urge to pee. I called the dr the next morning after I started getting scared, and went in. They did the litmus test and it was negative. They told me 3 babies on my bladder will make me pee without actually having the urge to. It was common in multiple pregnancies, especially with 3 or more. I left smiling, relieved. I had my regular appointment later in that week and was excited to see the babies again on ultrasound. I wish I had asked for an ultrasound that day. Little did I know. When I returned later that week, the ultrasound showed that baby A had very little fluid around him/her. So while the litmus test was negative (probably because it was 15 hrs after the fact), my water had indeed broke for baby A's sac. We were told we could wait and see what happened, most likely I would get an infection within a week and lose all 3 babies, or I could terminate baby A and have a healthy pregnancy with baby B and C, or my sac could refill and things would look better. I had to go on limited bed rest. I could still work, but little walking, absolutely no lifting (gut wretching as my daughter was only 13 months old, not walking yet, and completely a mommy monster!). My mother moved in with us when my husband worked nights. My husband picked up so many responsibilities. I worked, but way less hours as I was trying my hardest to be "normal" but keep my babies safe. Each week went on and though baby A's sac never refilled, I was tested and there were never any signs of infection. He/She grew each week which was a miracle in itself as with no water, there was no room for growth. The sac was squishing him/her, but he/she was a fighter. We were told most likely, if baby A made it to the end, he/she wouldn't be able to live because there would be no lung development. We prayed for a miracle. We bought 3 of everything. We firmly believed that we would be coming home with 3 babies. We knew the possibility was not that great, but we were believing that miracle was already ours. That healing was going to manifest itself on this earth for our baby. We had found out at week 15 that baby B was a girl, and baby C was a boy. We couldn't tell baby A because with no fluid, we couldn't get clear pics of him/her. We were so excited. We were going to get the best of all worlds. We were having a girl, a boy and a surprise! Week 20 came and we were more than halfway there! We were going to be inducing or scheduling a C-section for week 36/37 depending how things were going. We figured if we could get to 20 weeks, 16 more would be cake.
It was a Saturday morning. My husband was detailing a car. My mother was leaving to go watch my nephew's football game. My husband just put my daughter down for her nap, and was going to go meet a guy to pick something up a generator that was being sold from a guy on craigslist. My mom forgot her phone on our table. I was getting in the shower and after I got undressed and went to the bathroom I stood up and I felt something cold and wet on my inner thigh, I looked down and there was an umbilical cord hanging between my legs. I screamed for my husband! I wobbled to the top of the stairs, thankfully he heard me as he wasn't quite in the garage yet. He looked like he was going to pass out, and then pulled himself together, called 911, my mother, my brother in law, and tried to keep my calm. I was hyperventilating, I was screaming, I was panicking. I texted my closest friends to start storming the gates of heaven as things were starting to look bad for baby A.

I got to the hospital and found out baby A's heart had stopped. Most likely, it was the pressure on the cord as I was 1cm dilated and without the sac being there, it just slipped out. I had a very high fever. Baby A had an infection, and without having an immune system because he/she was no longer alive, that infection wasn't going anywhere. With the cord prolapsed, it was a walkway for bacteria to go right into my uterus. Where my other 2 children were innocently growing. We had to make quick decisions. We tried waiting and by that evening my temp was so high, I was more than likely going septic, the dr advised we induce. He said there  is a slim possibility that my cervix will close after giving birth to baby A. We prayed that would be the case.

The rest, well it's kinda hard to retell. I will copy from a blog post a week after it happened.

 

My regular Ob was on call, what a relief it was to see her. I knew it was bad news, but I never thought of how bad until about a 1/2 hr later. Baby A was no longer alive. The pressure on the cord had cut off the blood flow. Hideous noises came out of me and my husband as we cried, screamed, and I kept repeating "oh God, please no!". My blood pressure was pretty low, and my fever was coming and going, each time getting a little higher. The only way to rid my body of the infection is to give birth to Baby A.  At just under 22 weeks pregnant, the dr said there wasn't a chance for Malia and Anthony to make it. There was too much that hadn't had time to develop yet. We took a little while to talk it over and we prayed and the decision was clear to us. We didn't have much time to wait, we needed to get this infection out of my body, and hope my cervix would just close up after giving birth to Baby A. Anthony ran home to get our stuff, take a shower, and see Claire before we started to induction and the longest day of our lives. He returned around 7pm and the dr. inserted the Cervital. My contractions were inconsistent and not very strong, we tried to get some sleep, but that was not happening. I took some pain medicine orally, and it worked enough for me to sleep about an hour. After that, they put a pain killer into my IV to see if that would ease any of the contractions, but it didn't work. I didn't want to get an epidural. I wanted to feel as much as I could without being so overwhelmed with the pain. Hours and hours went by. It was dawn, and the contractions were about every 30 seconds and pretty intense. I tried to wait a while longer. Around 7:15 Sunday August 28th, the nurse came in to give me a different drug through my IV, but before she did, the dr. checked and said I was ready to push. This was really real. I was really about to give birth to my first triplet, Baby A, who was already dead. After screaming out and crying, I reluctantly pushed. Baby A came right out. "It's a boy" the dr said. I cried even harder. Nathan Richard was born, my baby boy, my dream, came at 7:26am. Weighing in at 11 oz, measuring only 9.5 in long. They put him on the end of my bed, and not more than seconds later, Malia's, Baby B's, sac burst. I knew my cervix wouldn't close and I had to deliver her. Only took a few pushes and Malia was born at 7:32am. Weighing in at 14.25 oz, and measuring only 10 in long. Then I could feel Anthony Jr coming. I thought, "oh no, we are going to lose all 3 babies!". After many pushes, and excruciating pain, Anthony Jr's, Baby C's sac wouldn't rupture. I was ready to pass out, the pain was shooting down my legs, and I couldn't catch my breath. Finally, my dr. decided to rupture the sac and it was so tense it burst with such force. A few more pushes and Anthony Jr was born at 7:46am. Weighing in at 1 lb 2 oz, and measuring at 10.5 in. Both Malia and Anthony Jr were born alive. They brought them to me and Anthony Sr and I held them so close. We sobbed. Malia and Anthony Jr. took a few random "breaths". Their hearts still beating, but very weak. We held them and cried for what seemed like only minutes, but was actually over an hour. The nurse came in to weigh the babies, dress them, wrap them up, and at that time, they were pronounced dead. It was like an out of body experience. I couldn't focus. I couldn't let them go. I couldn't believe this was all happening to us. We didn't understand. We knew they were healed and whole. New, working, beautiful bodies. We knew we would be able to be with them again someday, but that didn't ease my heart at that moment. It does now, but at that moment, I couldn't stop sobbing. The staff was incredible. They were so kind, gentle, loving. They cried with us. They respected us. Things were getting serious again though because my placenta's wouldn't detach, and after many, many tried, the cords came apart from the placenta's, still inside of me. The infection, therefore, was still inside of me. They tried everything to do from the room so I didn't have to leave the babies. I had been given 12mg of morphine, apparently, that is over a single dose, and as high as they could go. They tried to remove the placenta's. It was too painful. They said they didn't have any other option but surgery. They took me right away. Anthony Sr went as far as they let him. They put me under and removed the placenta's. Apparently, the infection made them harden and they struggled even surgically to remove them. I lost a lot of blood. I woke and was so nauseous and dizzy. After a short time I was brought to my room and back with my husband and the triplets. I couldn't put them down. I couldn't bring myself to let them go. We said what we thought were our final goodbyes, and Anthony Sr went home to pick up my daughter Claire. I hadn't seen her in over 24 hrs. It's the longest I have ever gone without seeing her. It was terrible feeling. When he returned my daughter brought tears to my eyes. She hugged and kissed me, played around the room and just brought hope, life, joy, to our lives for those moments. Everything changed for us that day. Priorities, dreams, our future. Nothing would ever be the same again.

 

 

I know this is long, but in my eyes, it's still not long enough. They should have more of a story than this. Their lives shouldn't have ended so quickly. It did though. And just like that, my life story changed. Forever. My purpose changed forever. There is a lot more to our story now. A.LOT.MORE. But this is the story of my 3 beautiful children that were only here for such a short time.