5 weeks

It's been a long 5 weeks.

First, I can't believe it's been 5 weeks already!

Second, it's only been 5 weeks!?

My son had a fantastic 1st week of life. He was happy, slept so well, pooped every single feeding, and some in between.

Weeks 2 - 5 have been a living hell.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change having him here with me than not for anything. However, 20 hours of crying, no make that SCREAMING a day, it will ware on anyone. We tried everything. $20 colic meds, $10 colic meds, finally we tried acid reflux meds, then had to add a second acid reflux med. He was turning into the exact same baby as his sister was. His sister was hard. Really hard. Like rethinking if you were cut out to be a parent hard. After all this, he broke out into a red blotchy rash EVERY.SINGLE.TIME he ate. Whether on me, or the formula we were given by dr to try (supplemental). He screamed every time he ate, pulling his head off of me and screaming a high pitched, heart breaking cry. Then he'd start screaming a silent cry as he was crying so hard he wasn't breathing so no noise was coming out. Mommy was crying. Why? Why again? Why my son? Why us? I would plead and yell at God to heal my son, to give him relief, to help him feel better. He was starting to struggle to have a bowel movement, ofter for hours. We needed to test his poopy diapers for allergy to dairy, but his but was raw and the tests wouldn't show true positive....I was tired of waiting. I broke down, and walking through Target in tears, bought a $36 dollar formula (RIDICULOUS!!!). Dairy free, made for those with cow milk allergy, made for those who scream all day long and don't sleep....I carried it to the checkout, crying. I paid for it and went to my car, crying. I sat in my car for at least 10 minutes debating on whether or not to return it, crying. I finally drove home, you guessed it....crying. The remainder of the afternoon/evening he ate bottle of this formula. He wouldn't sleep, he'd fall asleep for 10-15 minutes and wake up screaming. He was spitting up a ton, like 3 spit rags full every feeding....I was at my wits end. So was my husband. My poor daughter just wanted our attention and we were so focused on our son. I was ready to pack him up and go to the ER. I thought for sure, it was something way more serious than we had anticipated. He finally fell asleep around 11pm, waking every 2 hours to eat another bottle.

This morning, he's hungry. Eating almost every hour for a while, but now, he's been sleeping since noon. It's 1:30. His rash is WAY better, he's pooped twice today with little effort. He's only cried when he's wanted more to eat. He actually smiled, a real smile. I think we figured it out. I think he's allergic to dairy, and possibly a few other things. I have a lot of food allergies. I also have celiac. My diet is so restricted it's ridiculous. If I had to cut out dairy (the only thing I really eat), I think my milk will be useless to him as I wouldn't get half the vitamins I need let alone give them to my son. I can't have any of the replacements for dairy as I'm allergic to all but the coconut, and that's been iffy from the last time I went non dairy with my first daughter.

I cried about having to give up nursing. I am so upset over it. I had to stop nursing Claire at 6 months as we started fertility drugs again. I obviously couldn't nurser the triplets, and I was so looking forward to nursing Dominic. And now, after 5 short, long weeks, I have to give up nursing him. God is humbling me more than I care to be right now. In the long run, he will be fine. So will I. But already, I'm missing the bonding we had at our many nursing sessions. Even when they seemed to be so painful for him. I'm glad he's got relief now. And I'm glad he's getting the best stuff even if I had to sell my kidney to afford it.

Sleeping...finally...peacefully.