"New baby"

It's been a while since I posted about the "new" baby. I figured I would post a little update. Not much to report because normal people plug along and have spaced out appointments and uneventful days. I'm trying extremely hard to be normal. Our appointment was scheduled for September 6th. It was 4 weeks after the last time I saw my OB. I tried really hard to wait that long. I really did. The triplet's birthday came and I was having a lot of bad dreams and I started panicking that the baby was not going to have a heartbeat by the 6th so I had to go in and find out. The day after their birthday I called the dr in a panic and said I just needed peace of mind. She was happy to oblige and took me in right then. The nurse had to do my dppler because the dr was busy when I went in. She took FOREVER to find the heartbeat. So long, that she was making small talk because I think she could tell I was starting to have a panic attack. I started believing all my fears. Then, the fateful moment when FINALLY we heard the heartbeat. It was pretty brief because apparently this baby is still in the "let's do somersaults all day long and never sit still" mode. I cried. Tears of relief. Tears of thankfulness that I was wrong, that the devil was NOT going to steal this child. The following week I went in and had our regular check up. The dr doesn't want me waiting 4 weeks in between appointments anymore. She doesn't want me to have all the anxiety that it's creating. So our appointments are now much closer together. We talked about the fact that I have a bladder infection (happens EVERY time I'm pregnant), and how normal it is to get them during pregnancy, but how scared I was because just after I was diagnosed with one with the triplet's, my water with Nathan broke. She assured me that won't happen. I'm not thoroughly convinced, but I am getting closer to talking myself out of the fact that it's going to happen. I also lost a lot a weight. Apparently, too much. I assured her when I can eat, I am. I am way sicker with this pregnancy than I was with the other two. I am also gluten free which started after the pregnancy. Whenever I go gluten free I lose weight. The food sucks. I don't care what you say, or who you talk to. Gluten free food is disgusting for the most part. Which means when I'd normally snack I just decide to "starve" instead because there's nothing good to eat. I am really trying to put on the weight, but it's hard when everything you eat makes you want to just throw it right back up. Claire's nausea ended around 20 weeks, so we are hoping that any day now we will be done with nausea with this pregnancy. We shall see though. I have been sicker, I have broken out to an awful extent. Usually, I have the clearest skin when I'm pregnant. So, everything is so different this time around.

We find out the sex of the baby on Friday the 21st. We don't like surprises. I couldn't handle one more unknown with this pregnancy, or any pregnancy for that matter! I can't wait to find out. I am thinking boy because everything is soooo different, but at the same time, all the "myths" point to girl (even though I had none of them with Claire). We shall see. Can't wait to go buy that very first outfit. We found out with Claire and went directly to the store to buy Claire's take home outfit. I know we will do the same for this baby. We didn't with the triplet's because we couldn't find out what Baby C was and we were holding out hope in finding out before we bought the outfits. I wish we had looking back on it, but you can't turn back time. Unfortunately.

So, that in a nutshell, is how this pregnancy is going so far. Every day keeps me wondering, and sometimes I will catch myself talking to the baby and convinced I will bring this baby home to live with us on earth. Again, we shall see. I can't wait for Claire to understand what a baby brother or sister is though. We have been talking about a baby in mommy's belly for over a year and a half now, and she has still yet to see the baby face to face. She thinks brothers and sisters are urns and memorial stones. I am excited for her to be able to touch and hold and love on a baby in this life. She is obsessed. Every baby she sees, it's like everything around her disappears and all she focus' on is that baby and how she can get her hands on him/her. It's the cutest and saddest thing I have ever had to see in her life.

If I don't update again before the "announcement", I'll make sure to get on and announce if we got a penis or vagina growing inside (too much? oh well, gotta be true to myself somehow!)!